CANINE & FELINE BLOGS
By Dave Tippett
IZZY THE CAT'S BLOG
- Day, um, I don’t really know, of my human’s working from home thingy: My human lifted me up to his webcam thingy for like the billionth time to show me to his co-workers. Again. And again. Yo, cat here, Need my 18 hours of sleep each day. Don’t need the constant interruptions. Stupid dog gets to just lie there. Stupid dog.
- Another day: Got to be outside. Went mousing. Found one. He protested. Oh well. Yum. Now, I will proudly deliver the remains to my human’s doorstep. I am confident they will be honored by this gesture in their time of need.
Stupid dog.
- Day number who knows: Whilst in a marathon grooming session, I watch my human freaking out. His toilet paper supply dwindles. He knows not the joy of no TP. Wait. He eyes my litter box with envious eyes. Rut ro. Dog smiles. Keep smiling, genius. Keep smiling.
- Days drag on: I stalk a floating piece of old fur. It tasks me, and I must catch it. I do. Nothing. I look around. Then suddenly decide I need to be in the next room immediately. My human looks lonely typing at his computer. I jump up to give companionship and comfort. My gesture is returned with shouts of “spreadsheet ruined!†Whatever. Dog barks at the air for like the millionth time. Has the IQ of a pea. More later.
- Day whatever: My human is starting to get weird. Weirder. An almost empty box in his office becomes my new fortress. “Fort Izzyâ€. I sit in it and stare. My human yells about important papers I am sitting on. I ignore. Sitting and staring in a box. It’s required. He knows not this law and tosses me. I protest, yet knowing I’ll return to my kingdom later. Stupid dog wishes he had such a fort. “Fort Stupid†for him.
- Counting the days: my human is ignoring my pleas for continuous petting and unbridled attention. He’s talking to the faces on his computer thingy again. I jump from his lap and stroll to the new coach. My claws feel dull. I eye the fresh fabric. He calls something to me. I take it as permission to proceed. This will learn him. Heaven.
- Days and days: Enemy candles, pictures, and such get in the way of my walking on the mantle. Swat. Crash. He yells. I start to swat. He warns. I pause. Then, with eye contact, swat again. Victory is mine and I run. Onto cord chewing. This brings attention as well. Sweet attention.
MY DOG BRANDY'S BLOG:
- It’s a Day, I don’t really know: I lay in wait. There, I hear another one. An unauthorized vehicle coming down my road!! I jump into action at the window! “Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!†I stop as it escapes. Lucky for it. My human, who is talking to his computer thingy again, shouts words at me that can only be ones of thankfulness. Cat stares at me. I assume the best. I run over and sniff her vigorously to make sure it’s really her. Ouch.
- Another day I think: My human has many faces on his computer thingy. The cat is being shown to them again. I smile. Cat is mad. I am happy. Thump thump thump goes my tail. I lay down and sleep. Dreams of running after demon squirrels fill my mind. I awake and all faces are now looking at me and laughing. I assume the best. Thump thump thump. Cat gives me the paw. I smile. I love her.
- Day has numbers I think: My human seems upset. Pointing his finger at me and saying stuff loudly. I am not sure why. I told him many times I had to go out. He was talking on his phone thingy while typing and stuff. I did not want to explode so I went inside. He wants me to feel guilty I guess. I comply. Sad face. Contrite, while thinking a squirrel is just a tennis ball thrown by God. Cat licks herself like all the time. Squirrels.
- Days and stuff: My human sits on the floor with his computer thingy. I must sit on his lap, it’s required. Peanut butter is next I hope. Oh oh. Another vehicle I sense. “Hey! Hey! Hey!†Nothing. Just a practice run. Cat jumped high. I am happy.