https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7374459/Murder-suspect-20-arrives-court-charged-police-officers-murder.html

Murdered PC Andrew Harper's 'killer', 20, WINKS to his family from the dock in front of his alleged victim's mother as he appears in court and denies dragging officer to his death with 'getaway van'

    PC Andrew Harper, 28, was killed last Thursday in Sulhamstead, Berkshire, after being dragged under vehicle
    Jed Foster, 20, appears at court in Reading today after being charged with murder and theft of a quad bike
    All ten suspects aged between 13 and 30 were arrested within an hour of the incident at nearby caravan park
    Grieving widow of newlywed PC Harper has said she 'did not know how she would go on without' him

By Mark Duell and James Fielding For Mailonline

Published: 10:02, 20 August 2019 | Updated: 13:22, 20 August 2019

A 20-year-old man appeared in court today after being charged with murdering a police officer who was dragged under the wheels of a vehicle.  Jed Foster was charged with the murder of PC Andrew Harper in Sulhamstead, Berkshire, last Thursday and theft of a quad bike from a man called Peter Wallis.  Foster stood in the dock at Reading Magistrates' Court wearing a grey prison-issue tracksuit in front of a packed public gallery which included PC Harper's mother Deborah and stepfather Phil to confirm his name, date of birth and address in a three-minute hearing.  Foster, of Pingewood, in Burghfield, near Reading was not asked to enter pleas to the charges and District Judge Davinder Lachhar remanded him in custody until tomorrow when he will appear at Reading Crown Court.  Before he was led away, Foster appeared to wink at his family in the public gallery.  His lawyer, Rob Jacques said: 'On behalf of him and his family I want to say three things. He denies any involvement in the horrific murder of PC Harper. We urge the police to follow all lines of enquiry and for the public to come forward and co-operate.'

Foster was handcuffed before he left the dock, while there was a heavy police presence at court.  PC Harper, 28, was killed last Thursday evening while responding to reports of a burglary. The newlywed died from multiple injuries after being dragged under a vehicle and possibly hit by a police car.  It has been claimed that the officer was following a GPS tracker from a stolen vehicle when he was mown down by a getaway vehicle.  Foster was charged last night after investigators at Thames Valley Police were granted an extra 24 hours to question ten suspects.  All ten suspects were arrested within an hour of the incident at a nearby caravan park.  The youngest was aged just 13, while the oldest was 30. The remaining nine have been bailed until September 13. Last night, the grieving widow of PC Harper said she 'did not know how she would go on without' him.  In a touching tribute in the form of an open letter to her husband, Lissie Harper said she 'can't begin to imagine' life without his 'silly jokes, size 14 feet, large appetite, big hugs, Sunday roasts, and never faltering positive attitude'.  She added: 'Anyone who was lucky enough to meet you, whether they knew you as Andrew, Andy, Uncle Mann, Harps or PC Harper to everyone you are a hero. You had the best sense of humour and never took life too seriously. You treasured every moment and always had a smile on your face.'

Mrs Harper also said she 'wants to be angry' that the 28-year-old's job as a serving police officer 'took him away from us', but concedes he loved the job and 'genuinely cared for everyone'.  Yesterday heartbroken colleagues of PC Harper paid tribute to the fallen officer at the spot where he was mown down while responding to a burglary.  Many officers clutched each other for support at the scene where the newly wed officer died. Yesterday his half-sister Kate Hopkins posted a picture of him on his wedding day, saying simply: 'I miss you buddy.'

Another officer, PC Gareth Phillips, seriously injured during a separate attack in Birmingham earlier this month, also sent his prayers to PC Harper's family.  Mr and Mrs Harper got married just last month. They were due to go on their honeymoon this week.  In her open letter, Mrs Harper painted a touching picture of her dead husband.  She said: 'The lights have dimmed on all of our lives now that you are no longer here, but it's no surprise that even when you're gone, you're still keeping us all going, knowing that you would tell us to carry on and stay strong.'

She continued: 'Even now I can still hear you nagging me to brush my teeth, get dressed and eat something. We are all feeling so very lost without you but we are trying to be as brave as you were.  You have so, so many friends my love and everyone loves you. The messages, support, and kind words about you have been overwhelming and I can't thank everyone enough.  You loved to go on adventures and find new places to explore.  You could fix absolutely anything and always took time to offer help to family, friends and neighbours. A pillar of strength to everyone.'

The tribute concluded: 'My heart is broken without you my sweetheart but my god I feel so lucky that it was me you chose to share your amazing life with.  You have imprinted so much love and laughter on to all of our lives and we are honoured for that.  Although we were married for only 28 days before you were cruelly taken away, my husband you were perfect. I will never ever stop loving you and I feel so grateful for the happiest 13 years of my life.  Our superman, our bodyguard, our light in the dark. My god we will miss you. Forever you will be remembered as the best of us. I will carry your love with me always.'

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/coping-with-losing-a-pet.htm

Coping with Losing a Pet
It’s natural to feel devastated by feelings of grief and sadness when a beloved dog, cat, or other pet dies. These tips can help you cope.

Why does the loss of a pet hurt so much?

Many of us share an intense love and bond with our animal companions. For us, a pet is not “just a dog” or “just a cat,” but rather a beloved member of our family, bringing companionship, fun, and joy to our lives. A pet can add structure to your day, keep you active and social, help you to overcome setbacks and challenges in life, and even provide a sense of meaning or purpose. So, when a cherished pet dies, it’s normal to feel racked by grief and loss.  The pain of loss can often feel overwhelming and trigger all sorts of painful and difficult emotions. While some people may not understand the depth of feeling you had for your pet, you should never feel guilty or ashamed about grieving for an animal friend.  While we all respond to loss differently, the level of grief you experience will often depend on factors such as your age and personality, the age of your pet, and the circumstances of their death. Generally, the more significant your pet was to you, the more intense the emotional pain you’ll feel. The role the animal played in your life can also have an impact. For example, if your pet was a working dog, service animal, or therapy animal, you’ll not only be grieving the loss of a companion but also the loss of a coworker, the loss of your independence, or the loss of emotional support. If you lived alone and the pet was your only companion, coming to terms with their loss can be even harder. And if you were unable to afford expensive veterinary treatment to prolong your pet’s life, you may even feel a profound sense of guilt.  While experiencing loss is an inevitable part of owning a pet, there are healthy ways to cope with the pain, come to terms with your grief, and when the time is right, perhaps even open your heart to another animal companion.

The grieving process after the loss of a pet

Grieving is a highly individual experience. Some people find grief following the loss of a pet comes in stages, where they experience different feelings such as denial, anger, guilt, depression, and eventually acceptance and resolution. Others find that their grief is more cyclical, coming in waves, or a series of highs and lows. The lows are likely to be deeper and longer at the beginning and then gradually become shorter and less intense as time goes by. Still, even years after a loss, a sight, a sound, or a special anniversary can spark memories that trigger a strong sense of grief.  The grieving process happens only gradually. It can’t be forced or hurried and there is no “normal” timetable for grieving. Some people start to feel better in weeks or months. For others, the grieving process is measured in years. Whatever your grief experience, it’s important to be patient with yourself and allow the process to naturally unfold.  Feeling sad, shocked, or lonely is a normal reaction to the loss of a beloved pet. Exhibiting these feelings doesn’t mean you are weak or your feelings are somehow misplaced. It just means that you’re mourning the loss of an animal you loved, so you shouldn’t feel ashamed.  Trying to ignore your pain or keep it from surfacing will only make it worse in the long run. For real healing, it is necessary to face your grief and actively deal with it. By expressing your grief, you’ll likely need less time to heal than if you withhold or “bottle up” your feelings. Write about your feelings and talk about them with others who are sympathetic to your loss.

Coping with the grief of pet loss

Sorrow and grief are normal and natural responses to death. Like grief for our friends and loved ones, grief for our animal companions can only be dealt with over time, but there are healthy ways to cope with the pain. Here are some suggestions:

Don’t let anyone tell you how to feel, and don’t tell yourself how to feel either. Your grief is your own, and no one else can tell you when it’s time to “move on” or “get over it.” Let yourself feel whatever you feel without embarrassment or judgment. It’s okay to be angry, to cry or not to cry. It’s also okay to laugh, to find moments of joy, and to let go when you’re ready.

Reach out to others who have lost pets. Check out online message boards, pet loss hotlines, and pet loss support groups—see the Resources section below for details. If your own friends and family members are not sympathetic about pet loss, find someone who is. Often, another person who has also experienced the loss of a beloved pet may better understand what you’re going through.

Rituals can help healing. A funeral can help you and your family members openly express your feelings. Ignore people who think it’s inappropriate to hold a funeral for a pet, and do what feels right for you.

Create a legacy. Preparing a memorial, planting a tree in memory of your pet, compiling a photo album or scrapbook, or otherwise sharing the memories you enjoyed with your pet, can create a legacy to celebrate the life of your animal companion. Remembering the fun and love you shared with your pet can help you to eventually move on.

Look after yourself. The stress of losing a pet can quickly deplete your energy and emotional reserves. Looking after your physical and emotional needs will help you get through this difficult time. Spend time face to face with people who care about you, eat a healthy diet, get plenty of sleep, and exercise regularly to release endorphins and help boost your mood.

If you have other pets, try to maintain your normal routine. Surviving pets can also experience loss when a pet dies, or they may become distressed by your sorrow. Maintaining their daily routines, or even increasing exercise and play times, will not only benefit the surviving pets but can also help to elevate your mood and outlook, too.

Seek professional help if you need it. If your grief is persistent and interferes with your ability to function, your doctor or a mental health professional can evaluate you for depression.

Dealing with the loss of a pet when others devalue your loss

One aspect that can make grieving for the loss of a pet so difficult is that pet loss is not appreciated by everyone. Some friends and family may say, “What’s the big deal? It’s just a pet!”

Some people assume that pet loss shouldn’t hurt as much as human loss, or that it is somehow inappropriate to grieve for an animal. They may not understand because they don’t have a pet of their own or are unable to appreciate the companionship and love that a pet can provide.

    Don’t argue with others about whether your grief is appropriate or not.
    Accept the fact that the best support for your grief may come from outside your usual circle of friends and family members.
    Seek out others who have lost pets; those who can appreciate the magnitude of your loss, and may be able to suggest ways of getting through the grieving process.

Tips for seniors grieving the death of a pet

As we age, we experience an increasing number of major life changes, including the loss of beloved friends, family members, and pets. The death of a pet can hit retired seniors even harder than younger adults who may be able to draw on the comfort of a close family, or distract themselves with the routine of work. If you’re an older adult living alone, your pet was probably your sole companion, and taking care of the animal provided you with a sense of purpose and self-worth.  Stay connected with friends. Pets, dogs especially, can help seniors meet new people or regularly connect with friends and neighbors while out on a walk or in the dog park. Having lost your pet, it’s important that you don’t now spend day after day alone. Try to spend time with at least one person every day. Regular face-to-face contact can help you ward off depression and stay positive. Call up an old friend or neighbor for a lunch date or join a club.  Boost your vitality with exercise. Pets help many older adults stay active and playful, which can boost your immune system and increase your energy. It’s important to keep up your activity levels after the loss of your pet. Check with your doctor before starting an exercise program and then find an activity that you enjoy. Exercising in a group by playing a sport such as tennis or golf, or taking an exercise or swimming class can also help you connect with others.  Try to find new meaning and joy in life. Caring for a pet previously occupied your time and boosted your morale and optimism. Try to fill that time by volunteering, picking up a long-neglected hobby, taking a class, helping friends, rescue groups, or homeless shelters care for their animals, or even by getting another pet when the time feels right.

Helping children grieve the loss of a pet

The loss of a pet may be your child’s first experience of death and your first opportunity to teach them about coping with the grief and pain that inevitably accompanies the joy of loving another living creature. Losing a pet can be a traumatic experience for any child. Many kids love their pets very deeply and some may not even remember a time in their life when the pet wasn’t around. A child may feel angry and blame themselves or you for the pet’s death. A child may feel scared that other people or animals they love may also leave them. How you handle the grieving process can determine whether the experience has a positive or negative effect on your child’s personal development.  Some parents feel they should try to shield their children from the sadness of losing a pet by either not talking about the pet’s death, or by not being honest about what’s happened. Pretending the animal ran away, or “went to sleep,” for example, can leave a child feeling even more confused, frightened, and betrayed when they finally learn the truth. It’s far better to be honest with children and allow them the opportunity to grieve in their own way.  Let your child see you express your own grief at the loss of the pet. If you don’t experience the same sense of loss as your child, respect their grief and let them express their feelings openly, without making them feel ashamed or guilty. Children should feel proud that they have so much compassion and care deeply about their animal companions.  Reassure your child that they weren’t responsible for the pet’s death. The death of a pet can raise a lot of questions and fears in a child. You may need to reassure your child that you, their parents, are not also likely to die. It’s important to talk about all their feelings and concerns.  Involve your child in the dying process. If you’ve chosen euthanasia for your pet, be honest with your child. Explain why the choice is necessary and give the child chance to spend some special time with the pet and say goodbye in their own way.  If possible, give the child an opportunity to create a memento of the pet. This could be a special photograph, or a plaster cast of the animal’s paw print, for example.  Allow the child to be involved in any memorial service, if they desire. Holding a funeral or creating a memorial for the pet can help your child express their feelings openly and help process the loss.  Do not rush out to get the child a “replacement pet” before they have had chance to grieve the loss they feel. Your child may feel disloyal, or you could send the message that the grief and sadness felt when something dies can simply be overcome by buying a replacement.

Making the decision to put a pet to sleep

Deciding to put your animal companion to sleep is one of the most difficult decisions you will ever have to make for your pet. As a loving pet owner, though, the time may come when you need to help your pet make the transition from life to death, with the help of your veterinarian, in as painless and peaceful a way as possible.

Knowing when it’s time to put a pet to sleep

Euthanasia for a beloved pet is highly personal decision and usually comes after a diagnosis of a terminal illness and with the knowledge that the animal is suffering badly. Your choices for your pet should be informed by the care and love you feel for the animal. Important things to consider include:

Activity level. Does your pet still enjoy previously loved activities or are they able to be active at all?

Response to care and affection. Does your pet still interact and respond to love and care in the usual ways?

Amount of pain and suffering. Is your pet experiencing pain and suffering which outweigh any pleasure and enjoyment in life?

Terminal illness or critical injury. Have illness or injury prohibited your pet from enjoying life? Is your pet facing certain death from the injury or illness?

Your family’s feelings. Is your family unanimous in the decision? If not, and you still feel it is the best thing for your pet, can you live with the decision that you have to make?

If you do decide that ending the suffering is in your pet’s best interest, take your time to create a process that is as peaceful as possible for you, your pet, and your family. You may want to have a last day at home with the pet in order to say goodbye, or to visit the pet at the animal hospital. You can also choose to be present during your pet’s euthanasia, or to say goodbye beforehand and remain in the veterinary waiting room or at home. This is an individual decision for each member of the family.

What to expect when putting your pet to sleep

According to the American Veterinary Medical Association, euthanasia for a pet is most often achieved by injection of a death-inducing drug. The veterinarian may administer a tranquilizer first to relax your pet. Following the injection of the euthanasia drug, your pet will immediately become unconscious. Death is quick and painless. Your pet may move its legs or breathe deeply several times after the drug is given, but these are reflexes and don’t mean that your pet is in pain or is suffering.

How to explain pet euthanasia to a child

Be honest. Start by explaining that your pet is ill, suffering badly, and that you have the ability to end that suffering in a very humane and gentle way. The injection is a very peaceful and painless process for your pet. Sometimes, when you really love a pet, you have to make these kinds of difficult decisions to spare the animal from more pain and suffering.

    Children tend to feed off of how their parents react. If you’re hysterical or feel it’s the wrong decision, your child will likely react in a similar way. If you’re sad, and deal with that sadness in a healthy way, your child will follow your example.
    As long as you’re putting your beloved pet to sleep for the right reasons, tell your children that it is OK to feel sad, but there’s no need to feel guilty. You should feel sad, and your children can feel the sadness, but don’t mix guilt in with the sadness. One emotion is healthy, the other terribly burdensome.

Getting another dog or cat after pet loss

There are many wonderful reasons to once again share your life with a companion animal, but the decision of when to do so is a very personal one. It may be tempting to rush out and fill the void left by your pet’s death by immediately getting another pet. In most cases, it’s best to mourn the old pet first, and wait until you’re emotionally ready to open your heart and your home to a new animal. You may want to start by volunteering at a shelter or rescue group. Spending time caring for pets in need is not only great for the animals, but can help you decide if you’re ready to own a new pet.  Some retired seniors living alone may find it hardest to adjust to life without a pet. If taking care of an animal provided you with a sense of purpose and self-worth as well as companionship, you may want to consider getting another pet at an earlier stage. Of course, seniors also need to consider their own health and life expectancy when deciding on a new pet. Again, volunteering to help pets in need can be a good way to decide if you’re ready to become a pet owner again.

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Isaiah 53 Personalized for Sexual Abuse
By Brad Hambrick
March 12, 2019

In her book On the Threshold of Hope: Opening the Door to Healing for Survivors of Sexual Abuse Diane Langberg advises victims of sexual abuse to rewrite the Isaiah 53 passage of the Suffering Servant as a way to help them see how Christ can identify with their suffering. She says:  “Turn what you read into a prayer. Use the word of Scripture to help you articulate your pain, your questions, your fear, your anger.  Rewrite the Scripture passages as you read. Personalize them. Take Isaiah 53, and write it so it speaks about your life. Then look hard at the similarities in your life and the life of Jesus (p. 182).”

The example below is an attempt to rewrite Isaiah 53 to put the experience of sexual abuse into words. Dr. Langberg provides another example of rewriting Isaiah 53 in her book on pages 182-186.  Here is a printable PDF version of this exercise: Isaiah 53 Personalized for Sexual Abuse

1. I spoke and no one believed what I said. They thought I was a liar or a lunatic. Even when there was great reason to believe me, they refused. The truth was supposed to set me free, but it made me an outcast.

2. I was a young child. He knew and “loved” me. I was weak and vulnerable in his care. Was it my body?

Was there anything about the body of a child that could allure such destructive passion?

If so, I’ll hide my beauty. I’d rather not be seen than attacked. To be known is dangerous.

3. Oh, the way he looks at me now. He hates me. He looks at me, knows what he did, and despises me as his reminder. I feel like others can see it too, and reject me. When I speak people back away from me. I want comfort. I keep getting rejection. I am sadness. Grief is my best/only friend. People find it easier to pretend nothing happened and turn their eyes (literally and figuratively). I represent what people want to forget.

4. Is this worse than the cross?

Is this what made you cry, “My God! My God! Why have you forsaken me?” instead of the nails?

I know why people thought God had abandoned you. I have thought the same of myself.

5. You did this voluntarily?

You bore this so we would not be alone in this moment?

I don’t yet know how it is supposed to heal me, but I am amazed. I can’t get anyone to believe me and You would join me. You must want peace for me worse than I do!

6. I have run from my pain in so many directions: people-pleasing, promiscuousness, cutting, thoughts of suicide, perfectionism, denial, withdrawal and more. None of them worked, yet You bore the penalty and walked the journey of each road to buy me back and set me free. That kind of love is so foreign to me it scares me.

7. You too were tortured and silenced. You surrendered Your voice because they took mine. They took Your clothes too and You said nothing. You plunged fully into the depths of my pain to rescue my drowning soul. I was so silenced I could no longer call to You, yet You came.

8. People scorned You because of Your suffering. I too have been judged for my suffering. I judge myself and wonder if it was “my fault.” I want to scream, “No I wasn’t asking for it!”

You were cut off from the “land of the living.” I feel as if I walk though life with a dead soul. I hate being ostracized because of someone else’s sin.

9. I hate being grouped with the “dirty people” hookers and sluts. But that is how I feel, dirty. I did not give myself to another, but I do not get to be “pure” and do not feel I can associate with the “pure.” But I didn’t do anything wrong. I have to believe that. It’s true. Why is it so hard to believe?

10. I don’t know how to talk of Your involvement in my suffering, God. You were not blind. You were not sleeping. Your character does not change? God, be patient with me if I skip this question for a while. I fear I want survival more than redemption right now. Work with me at a pace my soul and mind can bear. I’m trying to pray, “I believe. Help my unbelief.”

11. When/if I find comfort for this pain, I would gladly share it with the world, or at least anyone who would care to listen to me. Help me believe that peace is more than a fairy tale like unicorns. I long to join with Christ in His journey through suffering to life life unshakable and impenetrable.

12. Pray of me, Jesus! Pray for me!  I am beginning to realize if I have held up under this weight for this long, I must be in “the strong.” You identified with me in my suffering. Help me identify with You in your victory over sin, suffering, and death. Instead of losing myself in the crowd, in my numbness, or in the dots on the ceiling (where there is no life). Let me lose myself in You (Life Itself)!

This post is an illustration from the Hope and Restoration After Sexual Abuse seminar.  If this post was beneficial for you, then considering reading other blogs from my “Favorite Posts on Sexual Abuse” post which address other facets of this subject.