WHEN AND THEN

By Dave Veerman

When . . .
I gaze at the heavens
stars stretching night sky
my speck in the universe
wondering why

Then . .  .
Infinite, sovereign
eternal Creator
choosing, descending
lesser from greater

When  . . .
I look at my children
each miracle birth
once tiny, now grown
parent-sacrifice worth

Then . . .
Intricate embryo
in virgin mother
helpless infant, child
adolescent big brother

When . . .
I reflect on the journey
through life's twisting trail
love, pain, joy, sorrow
my humanity frail

Then . . .
Tempted, tried, tested
touching and teaching
with fierce opposition
broken lives reaching

When . . .
I know my rebellion
sin's profound cost
divine separation
accountable, lost

Then . . .
abandon, forsaken
nailed cross-tree
sin-bearer, the Savior
died there for me

John 1:1–5, 10-–14:

In the beginning the Word already existed. The Word was with God, and the Word was God. He existed in the beginning with God. God created everything through him, and nothing was created except through him. The Word gave life to everything that was created, and his life brought light to everyone. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it.

The one who is the true light, who gives light to everyone, was coming into the world . . .

He came into the very world he created, but the world didn't recognize him. He came to his own people, and even they rejected him. But to all who believed him and accepted him, he gave the right to become children of God. They are reborn—not with a physical birth resulting from human passion or plan, but a birth that comes from God.

So the Word became human and made his home among us. He was full of unfailing love and faithfulness. And we have seen his glory, the glory of the Father's one and only Son.

When . . .
I ponder the limits
time, space compressed
God incarnation
eternally blessed!

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-13108099/Keith-Office-dies-aged-50-Tributes-Ewen-MacIntosh-passes-away.html

Ewen MacIntosh who played Keith in The Office dies aged 50: Ricky Gervais calls actor 'an absolute original' as he leads tributes to comedian best known for his role in the hit BBC sitcom

By James Fielding and Arthur Parashar

Published: 09:23, 21 February 2024 | Updated: 12:42, 21 February 2024

Ricky Gervais today led tributes to 'absolute original' Ewen MacIntosh, the comedy actor best known for playing Big Keith in The Office, following his death aged 50.  MacIntosh was best known for playing a Scotch egg-loving accountant in Gervais' hit sitcom which became an instant comedy classic when it launched in 2001 and led to the creation of a smash-hit American version.  The Welsh actor, who also appeared in British comedies such as After Life, Miranda and Little Britain, had shared a photo of himself in hospital in February 2022 and told his fans that he was suffering 'bad times'.   Despite the enormous success of The Office, MacIntosh was declared bankrupt in 2016. Big acting roles were limited after this and he went on to find a new source of income, making special videos as Keith on websites such as Cameo during Covid.  His cause of death has not been confirmed but friends hailed the 'empathy and incredible care' of medical staff and nurses. MacIntosh, who is survived by his parents and brother, is not believed to have been married or had children.  Gervais led the tributes this morning, writing on X/Twitter: 'Extremely sad news. The very funny and very lovely Ewen Macintosh, known to many as 'Big Keith' from The Office, has passed away. An absolute original. RIP.'

Talent agency JustRight Management confirmed the star's tragic death in a statement which said: 'With great sadness we announce the peaceful passing of our beloved comedy genius Ewen MacIntosh.  His family thank all who supported him, especially Willow Green Care Home.'

The comedian's friend Ed Scott, an executive producer, paid tribute to those who looked after MacIntosh, writing: 'Thanks to the incredible care and love provided by the wonderful medical staff and especially the nurses who all loved him when he brought a smile to their days.  I saw first hand the empathy and incredible care they gave him was just so reassuring during the toughest of times and am forever grateful to them all.'

Mr Scott, the CEO of Dodged A Bullet Music, said he was 'completely devastated' by the loss of his 'very good friend', adding: 'He may have had a famous face known by millions as Keith from The Office but the person inside is what I will most remember.'

He continued: 'Ewen was so full of empathy, kindness, and integrity and above all a really good man.  Sending love to his parents Sara and Ewen Sr, his brother Colin and his family, as well as his many friends and fans.'

MacIntosh appeared in The Office from its first series in 2001, playing the role of an accountant with a passion for Scotch eggs.   In one iconic scene from the show between Big Keith and Tim Canterbury (played by Martin Freeman), MacIntosh hilariously takes a large, slow bite out of a Scotch egg while Freeman discusses performing a sexual act on himself.  In an interview with Vice in 2021, MacIntosh joked that he had no idea why Scotch eggs were chosen as his signature food and revealed the difficulties he and Freeman faced filming the scene.  My first scene with Martin [Freeman], where I eat the Scotch egg we had trouble doing that for some reason. It took ages to get that done. I got through a lot of Scotch eggs. I wasn't told about it. The props guy nipped out and bought them last minute,' he said.

As fans of The Office woke up to the devastating news, many have pledged to have a Scotch egg in the late actor's honour.  MacIntosh will also be remembered for a famous scene in which he is given an appraisal by office manager David Brent (Ricky Gervais).  As Brent lists off Keith's strengths and weaknesses, MacIntosh chews his gum and responds 'don't know' to everything he is quizzed on.   'Big Keith' had a monotone answerphone message and wanted to become DJ over being an accountant. Among his most memorable moments was when he dressed up as Ali G for Red Nose Day.  Despite a number of staff changes at the fictional Wernham Hogg paper firm, 'Keith' remained in the series until its last episode in 2003.  Out Of Office, The Office podcast, also said MacIntosh would 'always be fondly remembered firstly as a great guy, but also as a key part of the greatest British sitcom of all time. An excellent legacy to leave. RIP.'

As well as The Office, MacIntosh also partnered back up with Gervais when he starred in the final series of After Life as 'Buffet Man' a bloke who had been barred from an all-you-can-eat restaurant.  MacIntosh also featured in sitcoms Lead Balloon and Mongrels, while he had a small role in Yorgos Lanthimos's film The Lobster where he played a waiter opposite Colin Farrell and Olivia Colman.  As a comedian, he had a double act with Tim FitzHigham and the pair performed at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival in 2007.  One of his final acting credits was when he played Lionel in the British romcom Finding Fatimah.   But it was Keith that MacIntosh will be best remembered for. He admitted in the Vice interview that people would often accidentally call him Keith instead of Ewen even on sets.  MacIntosh also said he 'can't really complain' about the popularity he gained from playing Keith as 'it's made me money'.

The actor would regularly send videos as Keith on the app Cameo.  Speaking about the demand on Cameo, MacIntosh said at the time: 'People always want a message from Keith, never from me. He's still getting me work, which is quite amazing when you think about it. When the lockdowns started, I was doing about 30 a week. Now it's down to maybe 10 or 20.'

TV channel Gold said: 'We loved him as Keith in The Office and were lucky enough to work with him over the years on the channel. Our thoughts go out to his family and friends at such a difficult time.' Comedy producer Gina Lyons wrote: 'Heartbroken to hear a very special friend Ewen MacIntosh has passed away. He was such an incredibly kind and funny person. Eternally loved.'

Following his death, tributes poured in from social media users, with many sharing his hilarious Scotch egg scene with Freeman.  One user posted: 'Really sad to hear about Ewen Macintosh RIP. He was so brilliant in The Office as the scotch egg eating DJ accountant.'

Another wrote: 'Terrible news about Ewen MacIntosh, aka Big Keith from The Office. He turned what could have been a nothing role into something truly iconic, one of the great comedy performances. RIP.'

A third said: 'How incredibly sad. So many iconic moments in The Office. I only ever heard lovely things about him from people who had worked with him.'

And a fourth, sharing a clip of the Appraisals episode, posted: 'Sad to hear the news about Ewen MacIntosh - thanks to him for one of the best scenes from the UK Office. Never gets old.'

Others vowed to have a Scotch egg in MacIntosh's honour. One wrote: 'Rip Ewen MacIntosh aka Big Keith. I'm going to dress up as Ali G, have a Scotch egg, rewatch The Office as a tribute.'

Another wrote: 'I'll have a Scotch egg later for Big Keith.'

A third shared: 'Ah man this is sad. Saw Ewen live supporting Ricky Gervais and he was extremely funny and entertaining with his dry and dead pan humour. Rip Keith mate. I'll have a Scotch egg for you.'

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-12846977/mother-charged-manslaughter-blaze-killed-four-children-Sutton.html

Deveca Rose: Mother, 29, is charged with manslaughter after horror blaze which killed her four children in Sutton when they were left home alone

     Deveca Rose has been charged with manslaughter and child abandonment
     Leyton and Logan, three, and Kyson and Bryson Hoath, four, died in 2021

By Emily Jane Davies

Published: 10:30, 10 December 2023 | Updated: 15:55, 10 December 2023

A mother has been charged with manslaughter in connection with a fire which killed her four children.  Deveca Rose, 29, has been charged with manslaughter and child abandonment following the tragic death of the two sets of twins.  Leyton and Logan Hoath, aged three, and Kyson and Bryson Hoath, aged four, were home alone when a blaze ripped through their Sutton home in December 2021, killing all four.  The inferno tore through the ground floor of the house, overwhelming the four boys with dense smoke.  The children were pulled from the blaze by firefighters but tragically could not be saved and were pronounced dead at hospital.  More than 60 firefighters in eight engines raced to the 'intense' blaze and took 90 minutes to bring it under control.  The Met Police confirmed Rose was charged on Thursday with four counts of manslaughter and child abandonment.  She will appear at Croydon Magistrates' Court on Monday, 11 December.  The police said in a statement: 'Officers understand the significant impact on the local community following this devastating incident, and they would like to reassure people that this extremely complex investigation continues, supported by partner agencies including the Crown Prosecution Service and London Fire Brigade.'

Rose previously spoke of her anguish of having to live without her sons, telling The Times: 'Bryson, Kyson, Logan and Leyton were my boys, they were my babies, they were my life, they were my world.  They were my heart, they were my soul, they were everything. Everything feels so surreal. I can't function.'

Rose said her four sons loved school, dancing, playing in the park and being with their family.  She added: 'I can't get over it, I'll never get over it. They lit up everybody's world and I will always be sorry that they went so soon.  They had so much planned and now they're gone. I wake up and I look at their Christmas tree and I look at their clothes, their Liverpool [football] kit, their Cocomelon dressing gowns, their drawings.'

The devastated father of the twin boys, Dalton Hoath, 28, had said they were 'bright, caring, loveable boys but most of all sons, brothers, grandsons, great-grandsons, nephews and cousins.'

He said in a statement at the time: 'We would like to thank all the emergency services who did so much to try and save our boys, and also the local community who have come together at this difficult time.  I would ask that my family are given time to grieve in private.  They will be forever in my heart and thoughts, love Dad.'

The grandfather of the boys added: 'It's all the more heartbreaking because their presents were all piled under the tree ready for them'.

A makeshift shrine of flowers, balloons, toys and football scarves were piled up outside the burnt-out terrace house after the two sets of twins died.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-12592015/jaysley-beck-female-soldier-suicide-relentless-sexual-harassment-superior-salisbury-plain.html

Female soldier, 19, who took her own life suffered relentless sexual harassment by superior who wanted a relationship with her, Army probe finds

    Gunner Jaysley-Louise Beck endured 'unwelcome behaviour' from her boss
    Support is available from Samaritans on 116 123 or by email: jo@samaritans.org

By Jon Brady

Published: 10:41, 4 October 2023 | Updated: 10:41, 4 October 2023

A female teenage soldier who took her own life was relentlessly sexually harassed by one of her bosses beforehand, an Army probe has concluded.  Royal Artillery Gunner Jaysley-Louise Beck, 19, died at Larkhill Camp in Wiltshire in December 2021 following an 'intense period' of 'unwelcome behaviour' from a superior, according to an armed forces inquiry report.  Her boss, who has not been named in the investigative paper, reportedly sent her as many as 3,500 WhatsApp messages and voicemails in the space of a single month in November 2021, a month before she died.  He had reportedly pursued a romantic relationship with her but Gunner Beck, who had a boyfriend, did not reciprocate his feelings.  The recruit, often known simply as Jaysley, also expressed fears that her line manager was tracking her movements via her mobile phone and left a hotel where they had both been staying on a work trip because of his pattern of behaviour.  The service inquiry report, set to be published later today but seen by the BBC, said her boss' behaviour had 'taken a significant toll on her mental resilience and well-being'.

She was found dead after a party, 10 days before Christmas.  Speaking on BBC Breakfast this morning, Gunner Beck's family said that the soldier had been reluctant to report her boss' behaviour, believing that her concerns would not be taken seriously.  She had previously reported being sexually assaulted by another superior at an Army training centre bar which is said to have led to a minor sanction and the man being told to write a letter of apology.  Her mother Leighann McCready said of reporting the concentrated harassment: 'She was saying: "What's the point, Mum, you don't get listened to?  She (thought she) was going to be seen as a female troublemaker.'

She added of the Army's initial report, which is said to have also claimed family issues played a role in her death: 'They've missed a lot out.'

Gunner Beck, from Oxen Park in Cumbria, joined the Army at 16 and had been proud to be a soldier but her family say she withdrew into herself as the campaign of harassment at the hands of her direct line manager escalated.  The superior sent her more than 1,000 messages in October 2021, rising to more than 3,500 the following month, shortly before she died.  In a message reportedly seen by the inquiry, she had written: 'The truth is, I'm struggling to deal with all this.'

Her family later paid tribute to her while raising money for charity in her memory, writing: 'Jaysley is a loving and caring person who would go above and beyond to help anyone in a less fortunate position than herself.'

Aspects of the inquiry, as reported by the BBC, suggest that inappropriate sexual behaviour was 'commonplace amongst a significant minority' of male soldiers at Larkhill, where Gunner Beck was based.  In 2022, an Army instructor based at Larkhill was sacked after buying 'impressionable young recruits' bottles of vodka and whiskey liqueur and asking another to 'get up and walk' so he could 'look at her a***'.  It is understood that Gunner Beck's case is now being investigated by both civilian and military police forces. The Centre for Military Justice, which is supporting the family, branded her story 'appalling' in a tweet earlier today.  Britain's armed forces are cracking down on sexual harassment after bringing in new 'zero tolerance' rules last year.  MoD sources insist there is 'no place' for sexual harassment and assault in the military, and say efforts are being made to encourage victims to report it.  Soldiers will be punished if they engage in acts of harassment such as cat-calling, inappropriate touching, 'lewd' comments, winking and 'leering' at squadmates.  The rules will apply across the Army, Navy and the RAF, and come after a landmark defence committee report found that nearly 62 per cent of female service personnel experienced bullying, harassment and discrimination.  MPs also found that servicewomen were more than 10 times as likely to experience sexual harassment as their male counterparts.  The report concluded: 'Other parts of the military culture of the Armed Forces show it is still a man’s world.'

An Army spokesperson told MailOnline: 'Our thoughts and sympathies remain with Gunner Jaysley-Louise Beck's family and friends at this difficult time.  The circumstances surrounding Gunner Beck's death, including the cause, are still to be determined by the Coroner.  'It would be inappropriate to comment further until the Coroner's inquest has been completed.'

When life is difficult, Samaritans are here day or night, 365 days a year. You can call them for free on 116 123, email them at jo@samaritans.org, or visit samaritans.org to find your nearest branch.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-12374869/Mother-left-paralysed-stress-amid-Mets-incompetent-investigation-sons-murder-tells-anguish-forced-watch-CCTV-footage-phone-lighting-calls-lay-dying.html

Mother left paralysed by stress amid the Met's incompetent investigation into her son's murder tells of her anguish after being forced to watch CCTV footage of his phone lighting with her calls as he lay dying

By Jasna Badzak For The Daily Mail

Published: 22:41, 4 August 2023 | Updated: 07:17, 5 August 2023

I would have given anything to see my son’s killers jailed for life. I wanted to look into the eyes of the callous creatures who murdered my boy.  They were apparently laughing and booing as the judge sentenced them to life with a minimum of 27 years.  I wish I could have seen, as the implications of the sentence sunk in, whether they had a semblance of the pain I endure every moment of every day, existing without my child.  Instead, I was forced to watch from my bed via video link. Eighteen months after losing 22-year-old Sven my only child I had a cardiac arrest.  I was in a coma for ten weeks and have been left paralysed. My arms are completely useless. As a medical doctor, I know it was brought on by the stress of losing Sven and of fighting to bring his killers to justice.  A gang of six stabbed Sven to death in a frenzied and completely motiveless attack which lasted all of 20 seconds. The pathologist’s report shows that one of the wounds was seven centimetres long.  His chest was stabbed with such force that the knife came out of the other side of his back. Only three of them have been convicted Rashid Gedel, 22, and Shiroh Ambersley, 23, who were sentenced on Thursday and Harvey Canavan, 19, who pleaded guilty earlier to manslaughter and unlawful wounding.  The others are still brazenly walking the streets. One, who the Mail has pictured exclusively online, even managed to flee to the Ivory Coast, in West Africa, under the noses of the police.   The authorities know exactly who they are. Their names and nicknames came out in court. But I believe the police are sitting on their hands as they tell me they have other murders to solve. But they can be sure, I won’t rest until these monsters are behind bars too.  Of course, I’m pleased that three of the killers are now safely locked away and, of course, there are examples of outstanding individual police officers. But what I have learnt about our force since Sven died has been simply devastating.  In my experience, the Metropolitan Police were so incompetent that each arrest was like climbing Everest. Police have only two jobs to try to prevent crime and to solve crimes quickly and efficiently. They failed Sven on both counts.  I owe it to Sven and to all the other mothers out there who face losing their children like me to expose the truth.  Believe me, this is not a fight I want. It seems almost impossible to believe but once, not so long ago, I was a happy, normal mum, content with my lot.  In Sven, I had everything I could possibly want. He was the kindest son, my only child, my everything, who had the brightest of bright futures.  He was a natural leader, who his teachers predicted would become prime minister one day. Sven met Boris Johnson many times as chair of my local Conservative association in West London, I signed Johnson’s nomination papers for his bid to become Mayor.  Caring, too. When Sven saw smoke billowing from Grenfell Tower, up the road from us, on that awful night in 2017, he grabbed everything from his wardrobe and started emptying mine.  Then he marched me to Waitrose to buy food and supplies that we filled the car with, to help survivors. When we reached the scene, he was choked by a sense of helplessness, desperate to hand out what we’d brought.  He hit the shops again during the Covid pandemic, buying essentials for our elderly neighbours who were self-isolating.  He once asked me to teach him first aid in case someone collapsed in the street after a heart attack or a stabbing. Never for a second did we guess he would be the one needing help.  His dad, Dragomar, and I are divorced but we were united in our love for our son. After leaving our native Yugoslavia in 1992, to escape the war, I retrained as a financial analyst so we could afford to send him to Wetherby School the same pre-prep school that Princes William and Harry attended then the independent Portland Place School in Marylebone from where he won a place at Roehampton University and took a sociology degree.  He had intended to start a law conversion course, but deferred it because of the pandemic and worked instead, part time, for his dad’s construction company.  February 6, 2021, started as any normal day. In the morning, Sven had gone shopping with his dad.  He’d bought some hair dye for me and took photos of it to send me so he knew he’d got the right brand. But he forgot to buy orange juice.  Later that afternoon he declared: ‘Mum, I really fancy a bagel.’ His favourite was one with cream cheese and smoked salmon. ‘I’ll go out and get one for each of us and also buy your orange juice,’ he said.

I didn’t want him to go — it was snowing heavily. But he wasn’t taking no for an answer and walked to the Waitrose.  A friend who lived nearby whom Sven had met playing football queued with him outside.  When it got to 6pm and he wasn’t home, I started to worry. I rang him again and again. There was no answer.  I’ve seen the CCTV footage which shows his phone lying beside his dying body the screen lighting up with every one of my calls. It’s a picture I can’t get out of my head.  Sven and his friend, who was also badly wounded in the attack, were targeted by the six men in a case of mistaken identity. They thought that the two of them were encroaching into ‘their’ drugs territory.  They tracked their prey as they returned from Waitrose to the bagel shop. My son was oblivious when they pounced.  Sven managed to run as far as the outside of a burger shop where they caught him again. They kicked and punched him while he lay dying. They stabbed him four times in the chest and back before fleeing.  Paramedics couldn’t save him. He was declared dead at 6.18pm. His 16-year-old friend, who’d been stabbed in the back, survived. I will never forgive myself for not being there to save Sven’s life.  From the moment I gave birth to him in St Mary’s Hospital, London, I wasn’t Jasna the doctor, any more. I was Jasna the Mum.  I thought if Sven was ever in any danger I would be there for him. And I wasn’t. I thought I would always sense when he needed me.  But I was unaware that anything terrible had happened until two police officers knocked on the door. It was 9.30pm.  By then Sven had been dead for three hours. Police had posted online about the incident at 7.30pm.  But this was the first moment they came to see me, his mum. They told me he had been stabbed, but did not give details about how it had happened.  It was the start of a stream of incompetent behaviour.  Of course, as a local politician I knew that the Met had problems but I honestly didn’t have an inkling of just how deep the rot had set until Sven died.  When the officers broke the news, I was in such shock, I didn’t believe it. My first thought was: ‘I have to save my boy.’

Dragomar was with me because he and Sven planned to watch their beloved Liverpool FC together that night on TV.  I demanded to know where Sven’s body was. We got in the car and drove to the location the police had given us. It was wrong. We were driving around manically.  I called 999 and 101. No one could help. No one seemed to know where Sven actually was.  I was so desperate that I posted an appeal on Twitter. There were 75,000 replies and retweets.  One man replied that he had seen Sven in front of the bakery waiting with a friend for his bagels.   They’d been playing video games on their phones as kids do, to pass the time. The witness said he’d been walking down the street and saw a ‘menacing looking’ group of men on the other side of the road, that they had knives on them.  I felt sick. I began to understand how Sven had died at the hands of a drug gang. There was still nothing more from the police until an officer rang me at 1.30am. I will never forget the call.  He was yelling at the top of his lungs as though I’m stupid. ‘You must stop tweeting. You are interfering with a police investigation.’

I was a grieving mother, desperate to know what had happened to my son, desperate to know where he was.  When I finally saw Sven it was in a mortuary at Northwick Park Hospital. I could not even kiss or hug him because there was a glass screen between us.  I kept apologising to him for not being there. I wanted to hug him from head to toe. I kept telling him how much I loved him that I will never forgive myself for not being there to save him.  I told him he was the best son in the world. ‘You live inside me. To me you didn’t die.’ Worse followed. The police claimed that Sven had been involved in an altercation.  It was madness. Sven wouldn’t even argue with me his mum let alone with strangers carrying knives.  They told me he’d run from one location to the other in 60 seconds. Even Mo Farah couldn’t have done it, given the distance between the two places. Begging them to look at the CCTV footage, I felt I had to be on their backs the whole time.  The forensics team collected a wealth of information. But the police seemed reluctant to examine it.  I felt the investigation was desperately slow, and the police came up with one excuse after another for inaction.  If the killers were walking in heavy shoes, they wouldn’t leave DNA traces. Fingerprints can’t be left in the snow.  The days were ticking by. One day, I literally spent five hours arguing with them, begging them to go through the evidence.  I was tearing my hair out. At my wits’ end, I started talking to journalists.  I also appealed for help to Boris Johnson, to Priti Patel then the Home Secretary and to Sean Bailey, the former Conservative Mayoral candidate.  It enraged the police even more. They told me I could be arrested for interfering in an investigation.  This was an innocent young man stabbed to death on a busy London street at 6pm on a winter’s day.  The police should be outraged. Instead, it felt as if crimes like these have become so commonplace they can’t be bothered.  Bringing war criminals to justice was a hundred times easier than getting my son’s killers convicted. Before leaving Yugoslavia, I’d gathered information about the atrocities that took place there.  I was able to supply this to the War Tribunal in the Hague. As a protected witness, I helped convict nine criminals in two trials.  Back here, the Met finally arrested Gedel on March 10, followed by Ambersley on March 13, then Canavan. But instead of arresting Ambersley’s friend, Lior Agbayan the son of a diplomat in London at the same time, they waited 24 hours. It gave him the chance to flee via Manchester on a plane to the Ivory Coast.  I won’t stop badgering the police until all six killers are charged. I am also campaigning to bring in Sven’s Law.   I want police to carry scanners so they can stop people and search for knives. And I want anyone caught with a knife on our streets to serve a 20-year mandatory prison sentence. It is the only way to reclaim our streets so young people like Sven can go out safely.  I know I can never reclaim my old life. I know I will never stop mourning Sven. His room is untouched everything exactly as he left it the afternoon he walked out. I’ve kept his email account open too.  I know it’s foolish but I want some piece of him to still be alive. There are still occasional messages one recently from the place where he’d donated blood. I didn’t even know he’d done that.  I rely on carers and Sven’s dad. He is broken just like me. Without Sven, life has no meaning.  I talk to my son constantly and go to sleep thinking of him. In my dreams I’m trying to reach him. But every time I lose him again and again.

https://proverbs31.org/read/devotions/full-post/2022/05/27/grace-for-mean-girls?utm_campaign=Daily%20Devotions&utm_medium=email&_hsmi=213625456&_hsenc=p2ANqtz-_vF2v3iaXKdi8DoD3-rlYPeTSiw7a1utdXpBdkQib6sV7PsEOPGoDj26VPR0G3jXxW9fxTT1ULAGYX7URD9bYxU52JEg&utm_content=213625456&utm_source=hs_email#disqus_thread

Grace for Mean Girls
May 27, 2022
by Sarah Geringer

“What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?” James 4:1 (NIV)

I’ve been hurt by mean girls. I’ve also been a mean girl myself.  Ironically, my season of meanness overlapped with a season of being treated with meanness and all this happened at church, no less. You would think I would have known better after enduring the deep hurt of being criticized and rejected by a fellow church member. But the unholy desire to judge and condemn other sisters resided in me, too.  When I was hurt by a woman in my church small group, I handled my feelings the wrong way. Foolishly, I emailed the entire group Matthew 18:15-17 as instruction on how to share opinions without gossiping, though I was doing the opposite of verse 15 when I sent it: “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you” (Matthew 18:15a, NIV).

I sought forgiveness for my wrongs, but I had hurt others’ feelings. The relationship never fully recovered.  Shortly after that painful experience, I was serving at vacation Bible school. Due to my own closed-mindedness, I shared careless and critical words with a fellow team member. Though I tried to apologize to her through words and actions, that relationship never fully recovered.  After these two situations, I had some choices to make. On one hand, I could condemn myself for acting like a mean girl and hold a grudge against the person who had been a mean girl to me. On the other hand, I could seek God’s grace while I showed my past offender the same kind of grace.  The principle that helped me receive God’s grace for myself and others is in this verse:  “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?” (James 4:1)

We all have the potential to act like mean girls because sinful desires battle within us. It’s so tempting for us to get caught up in fights and quarrels, even in church, because our sinful natures don’t get turned off when we open the sanctuary doors.  When I admitted I had harbored a desire to quarrel with other women because I thought I was right in my own eyes, my denial was broken, and healing began. I needed to open my heart to receive God’s grace after confessing my sin.  By receiving His grace for myself, I had a fresh batch of grace to pour over the hurts other mean girls caused in me. I saw that I was no different from them as they desired to quarrel because they felt right in their own eyes. Though reconciliation was sometimes not possible, I could forgive and be forgiven by others and wish them well thanks to God’s grace at work in my heart. (Romans 12:18)  Have you been hurt by a mean girl?

Have you possibly been a mean girl yourself?

I pray today that you’ll accept the perfect grace only God can give and pour it over your situation. I pray that if you’ve experienced church hurt, God will heal you, and your hurt will not keep you from going to church again. Also, I pray that if you have been convicted by today’s devotion, you will seek grace from God and choose a new path forward.

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When You Feel Lonely, Jesus Sees You
May 19, 2022
by Bailey T. Hurley

“No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.” John 15:15 (ESV)

When I first joined our local church, there was a “cool crowd,” and there were those who wished they were included in the “cool crowd.”  If you couldn’t guess, I was in the latter party I wanted to belong so badly in what I perceived to be the “it” group of women. It was a season where I constantly felt like I had to prove myself worthy of their friendship.  So I volunteered for everything at the church, showed up to help where I could. I tried to ingratiate myself by being overly friendly and agreeing to babysit the other women’s children, hoping it would lead to an invite into their group.  But months went by, and no friendships had been formed. I began to battle negative thoughts: I must not be funny enough. I wish I was more spiritual so they would be impressed by me. Will I ever fit in here?

I felt disqualified for friendship never good enough to fit in. Could people not recognize I was hurting and lonely?

There will always be cliques or groups of women where we feel on the outside unseen even in some churches. After my big disappointment with trying to make friends with a certain group of women and struggling to find someone who would reciprocate my efforts, I turned to the one Friend I knew would always invite me into His social circle Jesus.  When no one else will call you friend, Jesus will, like John 15:15 tells us:  “No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.”

He graciously invites people to share life with Him. You don’t have to jump through hoops to be included by Jesus.  When I felt left out by the women at my church, I felt embarrassed. But I also felt encouraged to take my bad experience and instead be the kind of friend Jesus is patient, kind and open to who God placed in my path to love.

In our friendships, this might look like:

    Keeping our social circles open.
    Loving people who may not be our first choice for a friend.
    Letting people prove us wrong after a bad first impression.
    Extending forgiveness to our “frenemies.”
    Offering hospitality when others have withheld it.

Now, when I feel left out or lonely, I try to reach out rather than shut down. It isn’t always easy to push past my insecurities around making friends. But because I know Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice to be in relationship with me, I can find a way to make someone else feel like they belong.