MANGER:
The Bible's way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough.
PEW:
A medieval torture device still found in most churches.
PROCESSION:
The ceremonial formation at the beginning of service, consisting of altar servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners looking for seats.
RECESSIONAL:
The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of service - led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.
RELICS:
People who have been going to church for so long, they actually know when to sit and stand.
TEN COMMANDMENTS:
The most important Top Ten List NOT given by David Letterman.
USHERS:
The only people in the parish who don't understand the seating capacity of a pew.
