KING ARTHUR'S UNKNOWN KNIGHTS

It is a little-known fact that King Arthur had more knights than is usually believed. They included:

~ Sir Face - the devastatingly handsome, but disappointingly shallow knight.

~ Sir Pass – Arthur's best knight of all.

~ Sir Port - a great help to all the other knights.

~ Sir Culation – a knight who got around, especially popular at parties.

~ Sir Prise – the knight who could always be relied on to do the unexpected.

~ Sir Vey – a watchful knight.

~ Sir Cuitous  - a knight who approached his duties in a roundabout way.

~ Sir Pose - a knight who stands by wild predictions.

~ Sir Cumvent – the evasive knight.

~ Sir Reen – a calm and cheerful knight.

~ Sir Spicious – a paranoid knight.

~ Sir Real – a vague and insubstantial knight.

~ Sir Cumstances – a knight whose fault it never was.

~ Sir Cumference - invented the round table.

~ Sir Plus - that extra knight.

~ Sir Cumference - the obese knight.

There was a Super Bowl football game between the big animals and the little animals. The big animals were crushing little animals. At half time the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals.  At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball. The first play, the elephant got stopped for no gain. The second play, the rhino was stopped for no gain. On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5 yard loss.  The defense huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly, "Who stopped the elephant?"

"I did," said the centipede.

"Who stopped the rhino?"

"Uh, that was me too," said the centipede.

"And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?"

"That was me as well," said the centipede.

"SO WHERE WERE YOU THE FIRST HALF?" demanded the coach.

"Well," replied the centipede, "I was having my ankles taped."

HOW'S YOUR JOB AT...

Q. How's your job at the clock factory?
A. Only time will tell.

Q. How's your job at the banana company?
A. I keep slipping up.

Q. How's your job at the travel agency?
A. I'm going nowhere.

Q. How's your job at the pie company?
A. It didn't pan out.

Q. How's your job at the balloon factory?
A. We can't keep up with inflation.

Q. How's your job at the crystal ball manufacturer?
A. I'm making a fortune.

Q. How's your job at the history book publisher?
A. There's no future in it.

Q. How's your job on the farm?
A. Things keep cropping up.

Q. How's your job at the sewing shop?
A. Hanging on by a thread.

https://proverbs31.org/read/devotions/full-post/2023/07/06/slip-away-and-pray?utm_campaign=Daily%20Devotions&utm_medium=email&_hsenc=p2ANqtz-9pacQV--VZW_llMgicox0E65V61ACwbLlbCGeQshJVcho7favEExF8DL1d54OqaxfScPxrFpDGeREH-s8uyWD1xDK22A&_hsmi=263210111&utm_content=263210111&utm_source=hs_email#disqus_thread

Slip Away and Pray
July 6, 2023
by Anitha Abraham

“But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.” Luke 5:16 (NIV)

After months of planning, my sister, Binu, and I finally had a chance to grab dinner with a particular group of friends. The Thai food was delicious plus, the conversation was fun and meaningful.  Before we could even start thinking about what sugary item we should end our evening with, Binu spoke up: “Hey, ladies, when we’re done, maybe we could all get in my van and pray!”

If you knew Binu, you wouldn't find this shocking. First of all, she loves her van. We have taken many a road trip in it. Secondly, she loves to pray. Her sons have often come home from school to find her praying in their room. She still does this even though they are in college and living away from home during the semester.  When I call her to “vent” about troubles in my life, she listens, advises and says, “Why don’t we pray?”

Then she goes straight to God’s throne room with me on the phone. For big and small things, I will often get a text from her asking for prayer. She believes in the power of prayer and lives it out.  So after dinner that night, instead of going somewhere for dessert, we all hopped in Binu’s van to pray. I’ll admit I was ready to go home and get in my pajamas, but I knew Binu had chosen the better thing time with the Lord.  We took turns sharing our needs along with the needs of people around us. One by one, we prayed over those requests. The atmosphere was ripe with God's power. The Holy Spirit was truly moving among us in that van.  Praying seems easy, but honestly, it can be hard for me. When I see how intentional Binu is about prayer, I am inspired. But even more so, did you know Jesus was intentional about prayer?

“… Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed” (Luke 5:16, emphasis added).

“After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray” (Matthew 14:23a, NIV).

“Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed” (Mark 1:35, NIV).

Jesus the second Person of the Trinity, the one and only Son of God … made time to pray.  I am thankful for the Apostle Paul’s charge later in Scripture to “pray without ceasing” (1 Thessalonians 5:17, ESV).

This invites us into an all-day conversation with God, no matter what we are doing. But the examples of Jesus' prayers in the Gospels are very telling as well. While I have no doubt He was in constant dialogue with His Father, the fact that Jesus still slipped away to pray, often in solitude, sets an example for us.  If Jesus prayed in this manner, shouldn’t I?

I don’t want to miss out on time with God by not slipping away. I want what was said of my sister and my Savior to be said of me — that I often withdraw to pray.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-13384271/Britains-heaviest-man-50st-bullied-died.html

Tragic demise of Britain's 'heaviest man' as he dies aged 33: Heartbreak behind why Jason Holton ballooned to 50st and the 'devastating' moment he was airlifted out of bed by crane

By Katherine Lawton and Elena Salvoni

Published: 09:21, 5 May 2024 | Updated: 10:33, 5 May 2024

Britain's heaviest man who died from organ failure told how losing his father as a toddler and being bullied at school saw him balloon to 50 stone in weight.  Jason Holton, from Camberley in Surrey, died just days before celebrating his 34th birthday, after being housebound for eight years due to his large frame.  The 33-year-old died last Saturday after doctors were unable to prevent his organs from failing.  Mr Holton began overeating as a teenager, and attributed bullying at school and mental health problems as the root cause of his weight gain.  He added that the death of his father when he was just three years old also had a profound impact. He told TalkTV: 'Maybe if I had my father around, maybe there would be rules set to what I'm eating and stuff to stop me putting things and stuff in my mouth.  Just eating constantly.  Lamb doner meat, I had a problem with energy drinks. I just decided to get 15 of the Monster cans and drink them all in one go.'

His mother Leisa told The Sun that her son recently 'started to go downhill' after his kidneys stopped working.  'He's probably had about eight lives and I thought the doctors would be able to save him again, but sadly it wasn't possible,' she said.

Mr Holton was reportedly transferred from his home to Royal Surrey County Hospital by a special ambulance which six firefighters had to carry him to.  His mother said he was put on kidney dialysis and an IV drip but that his organs continued to fail.  Doctors then told him he would pass away within a week, she said, and he passed away on Saturday.  The coroner's report stated that he died from organ failure and obesity.   Mr Holton lived in a custom-built council bungalow fitted with specially reinforced furniture.  He had hoped to be prescribed slimming jab Wegovy, without which he feared he would die by 2025, describing his situation as a 'timebomb'.  He told TalkTV in October: 'I believe time's over for me in general. I'm coming up 34 now. I know I've got to try something.'

At his peak, he weighed more than 50st and dubbed himself 'Britain's fattest man'.  At one point, Mr Holton would consume 10,000 calories a day four times the usual daily amount for a man including eating doner kebabs for breakfast   He was deemed too heavy for a gastric band. In 2022, he suffered a series of mini strokes and a suspected blood clot.  In 2020, he collapsed and had to be airlifted by crane from his mother's third floor flat by a team of more than 30 firemen and engineers.  He described the incident as 'the most devastating time of my life. The terrifying part of it all was the amount of people outside.'

His health problems meant he was unable to work, leaving him on benefits. It is estimated his healthcare cost the taxpayer hundreds of thousands of pounds.  He insisted he cut down and had been eating healthier, but that it had made little difference.  He said: 'I've been making changes which I seriously have for the audience by the way I have been, my diet now it's not consistent of loads of junk and I'm not changing.'

Mr Holton is believed to have become the UK's fattest man after 65st Carl Thompson died in 2015.  The 33-year-old, from Dover, had been housebound for more than a year after doctors warned he needed to lose 70 per cent of his body-weight to survive.  When his mother died of a brain tumour in 2012, Mr Thompson turned to junk food as a means of coping with his grief despite already being obese.  His weight went from 30 stone to 65 in three years, leaving him unable to care for himself.  Unable to walk or even dress himself, he was bathed and cooked for by a team of NHS carers. He died after suffering from organ failure and sepsis.

Doner kebabs, crisps, chocolate and three tubs of chicken chow mein: His 10,000-calorie daily diet

Morning

Large doner kebab meat portion and chips (2,500 calories)

Pop tarts (200 calories in each one)

Afternoon

Three large tubs of chicken chow mein (2,500), prawn crackers (400) and prawn toast (300) from Chinese takeaway

Pop tarts - There are around 200 calories in each pop tart

Evening

Two cheese sandwiches, (1,000) two chocolate bars (1,000) and three packets of crisps (550)

1.5 litres of orange juice (800) and five cans of diet coke (trace)