My World

[PippaJane]

The first person I remember dying was my Poppa (grandfather) when I was about 8 years old.  My great grandmother had died a couple of years before but I don't remember being told about it. 

The first time it really hit me was when I saw my grandma and I knew I wasn't going to see him again.  It was hard even at that age as I loved my Poppa but fortunately I had good parents who told me and my sister in the best possible way.  Even then I was a christian so right from the start I believed he had gone to heaven.  Whenever I think of him it is always good memories.
 

[PippaJane]

The next death hit me badly as it was my favourite uncle who was also my godfather - my godmothers were two of my dad's aunt but they never bothered to have an impact in my life.  He had always suffered with severe asthma so had made that choice not to marry as he knew he could die youngish.  It didn't stop my uncle being an amazing uncle to me, my sister and my cousins but I still think it's sad that he chose not to be a father as he would have been a fantastic dad. 

I couldn't bear to go to his funeral and the family understood.  When my nanna came to visit after his funeral my parents went out one evening and we sat talking then we both started crying and hugging each other.

I have never regretted not going to the funeral and eternally thankful for the time with my nanna to do my real grieving then.

[PippaJane]

My grandma died in 1987 and it was a shock as it was a sudden death.  She had been living in a residential care home due to dementia and seemed quite happy.  One day my grandma fell down a flight of stairs and died.  It turned out my grandma had an ulcer which nobody knew about as she had never complained about.  When she fell the ulcer started bleeding and that was the cause of her death.

The funeral was sad and I was very disappointed that the only family members who bothered about was one of my great aunts and her son.  There was one unfortunate 'slip up' as the minister referred to her as Irene which was her first name but everybody referred to her as Nina.  It was all my mum, my sister and I could do to not laugh and I could imagine my grandma turning in her coffin.

My grandma wasn't the easiest person to live with and she hated my mum but managed to stay civil.  She loved my sister and me and I loved her with good memories to keep thinking off.

[PippaJane]

Fast forward to January 1993 and my Nanna had a stroke which she didn't recover from.  I don't think I will ever forget as I was a student nurse at the time when my mum rang the ward I was working on but another student took the phone call as I was with a patient.  He didn't know how to tell me the news so went to the ward sister who was also my mentor.  I thought it odd that she wanted to talk to me alone and thought I had done something really stupid until she asked me if I was close to my Nanna.  I said I was then froze then she told me my Nanna had died and told me to ring my mum which I did.  My mum and I both cried over the phone but I pulled myself together as I wanted to finish my shift even though I had been told I could go.  I never thought news could travel round the ward so quickly and so many patients wanted to speak to me.  On the other hand it has an advantage as patients are generally good with sympathy chat.  In the end I did go early as I couldn't concentrate but I did let the other student know I appreciated what he did.  He was a good lad and eventually became a paramedic.

My Nanna's funeral was the complete opposite to my Grandma's.  The church was full, my Nanna was cremated afterwards.  So many people to the wake afterwards and it was great that we could remember my Nanna the way she would have wanted with us being happy.   

[PippaJane]

last weekend was a difficult time for my family.  One of my nieces and her husband were expecting their second child but they knew their daughter was going to die as she had Edward's Syndrome aka Trisomy 18 which is a rare genetic disorder.  Last Saturday she was born and Sunday night she died.  Rest in peace little one 

[PippaJane]

My mum died in 2011 in hospital having been there for ten weeks.  She had been asthmatic all her life, became insulin dependent Diabetic later in life and had rheumatoid arthritis.  My sister rang me as my dad was devastated even though she had been ill for so long and they had been married for 53 years.

For me it took a long time before I coukd start processing her death as we hadn't had a great relationship for such a long time.  I still have triggering moments but they are easier to deal with.

[PippaJane]

My dad died in 2017 which I found hard as I had loved him so much. 

At my mum's funeral the only song I remember being played was Time to Say Goodbye.  At my dad's I don't remember the first one, the second was Take Five by Dave Brubeck and the last one was Sailing by Rod Stewart.   Take Five was my dad's favourite and as for Sailing I remember when it was released and watching Top of the Pops with my family.  Hearing Sailing made me cry even though it brought back happy memories.

On a positive it brought my sister and I closer so we have got back to how we used to be.  Maybe it's because both our parents have died and we just have each other now.

[PippaJane]

It's the 20th anniversary since my mother in law died and I still miss her laughter and humour.

[PippaJane]

One of my cousins died on the 21st May and I've had to process this one as he was just under 2 months younger than me.  Until my sister's 60th birthday I hadn't seen him since our Nanna's funeral - his dad was my mum's eldest brother - in 1933.  We had had the occasional emails bouncing between us only in the inbetween years but hadn't expected him to die before me as he had an active life. 

[heartbroken]