httpsrs://proverbs31.org/read/devotions/full-post/2023/04/20/what-if-the-person-im-struggling-to-forgive-is-me?utm_campaign=Daily%20Devotions&utm_medium=email&_hsmi=252894622&_hsenc=p2ANqtz-9WWqBYt6_GmIN8A3Je4wUxzlCiBOX-H7-SiWXZ7exB-kr_Xsu6936lGUghxz7luz4YaM4ky3q6iZ7sbNL-JhTSdfTDSg&utm_content=252894622&utm_source=hs_email#disqus_thread

What if the Person I'm Struggling To Forgive Is Me?
APRIL 20, 2023
by Lysa TerKeurst

“Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, ‘I will confess my transgressions to the LORD.’ And you forgave the guilt of my sin.” Psalm 32:5 (NIV)

Do you ever feel like the hardest person to forgive is actually yourself?

I understand this. Deeply. I so wish we were sitting together having a conversation right now instead of you just reading these words on a screen. But while you're reading, I’d love to share my story with you.  When I was in my early 20s, I made a decision that, with everything in me, I wished I could go back and change. I had an abortion. Knowing nothing could be done to reverse that decision filled me with the deepest kind of despair. Afterward, every time I heard others talking harshly about abortion, I was filled with shame. It felt like a life sentence I would never be healed from.  I would say, “I can’t forgive myself.” What I meant was, “I don’t think forgiveness is possible for a person like me. And I don’t think I’ll ever be free from the shame of what I’ve done.”

Maybe this is where you are right now struggling to overcome feelings of shame and regret from choices you wish you could go back and change.   That’s why it feels so important to share with you what I’ve learned. When I researched the concept of forgiving ourselves, I was a little shocked to discover it’s not in the Bible. I started to realize that just like we can’t accomplish salvation apart from God, we can’t bestow forgiveness upon ourselves. Forgiveness starts with God.  Since we are not the judge, we can’t pardon ourselves. So when we feel like we are struggling with forgiveness for ourselves, what’s really happening is a struggle to fully receive the forgiveness of God.  Jesus gave His very life to provide forgiveness for our sins, which isn’t just a part of the Christian faith.  Forgiveness is the very cornerstone of the Christian faith. Forgiveness for our sins isn’t just a hope we have; it is the greatest reality for all who choose to receive salvation through accepting Jesus as the Lord of their lives.  Often what keeps us from walking as forgiven people is the struggle with feelings of shame and regret. These are very heavy burdens to bear. In my own life, I’ve carried many burdens. But the weight of shame is by far the heaviest I’ve ever known.  It’s a burden God doesn’t want any of us to carry.  And I’m so thankful for these three things that eventually helped me fully receive His forgiveness and get out from underneath shame’s condemning weight:

1. I needed to have a marked moment of confessing, repenting and asking God for forgiveness.
Psalm 32:5 reads, “Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, ‘I will confess my transgressions to the LORD.’ And you forgave the guilt of my sin.” I couldn’t do this by myself because I wanted someone, a witness, who could forever remind me I had asked for God’s forgiveness and was therefore forgiven. I also verbalized out loud that I received God’s forgiveness, so I could have a definite memory of acknowledging His gift of mercy.

2. I had to remember that shame and accusation come from the enemy.
Satan will do everything possible to try and keep us from sharing a testimony of the forgiveness and redemption of Jesus. And the enemy loves to hold people hostage to shame by keeping what they did hidden in the darkness. I was terrified to tell people what I’d done. But I did tell God I would share my story if ever I met a young girl in danger of making the same uninformed decision as I did. When I eventually let God use my painful choice for good, I started to see glimpses of redemption. Seeing God take what the enemy meant for such evil and use it for good didn’t take away my grief, but it did start to heal my shame.

3. I let my experience make my heart tender and compassionate.
Knowing what it feels like to make a mistake gives us more compassion when others make mistakes. This isn’t excusing unwise behavior in the name of compassion. But at the same time, having an attitude of compassion helps us not to shame others. I don’t ever want another human to carry the awful weight of shame, and I probably would not be as sensitive to others as I am now if I hadn’t ever carried that weight myself.

Shame isn’t from God, and He doesn't condemn those who repent of sin. Confess what you’ve done. Ask for God’s forgiveness. Receive His forgiveness. And then walk in His freedom. You can live the greatest testimony of truth the testimony of redemption.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-13018131/Boys-stabbed-knifemen-sister-tribute.html

Tragedy of teens killed in horror double stabbing: Heartbroken mother and sister of one of two boys, 15, and 16, knifed to death in front of horrified bus passengers, pay tribute to 'beautiful, kind soul' and 'one of a kind'

By Rory Tingle, Home Affairs Correspondent and Elena Salvoni

Published: 08:41, 29 January 2024 | Updated: 12:08, 29 January 2024

Heartbreaking tributes have today been paid to two boys who were stabbed to death in front of horrified bus passengers in Bristol on Saturday night.  Max Dixon, 16, and Mason Rist, 15, were attacked by 'a number of people' in Knowle West at around 11.20pm and later died in hospital.  Max's sister, Kayleigh, paid tribute to her 'baby brother', calling him 'one of a kind'.  'You sleep tight. A beautiful, kind soul gone. Just taken 16 years so young and innocent oh my heart is broken,' she wrote on Facebook.

'I really hope you know how much we love you. How much I love you. 'You will be missed kiddo I'll always look out for you in every sunset, shine bright lil' bro.'

Max's mother, Leanne, wrote: 'Devastated, our lives will never be the same without you my boy.'

Police are looking to speak to passengers on a bus that was passing through Illminster Avenue at the time of the attack.  Scott Alden, Max's football coach, called him the 'cheekiest', 'funniest' boy and a 'very talented footballer'.  'He world is a cruel and dangerous place now, you will be missed by everyone who knew you, thinking of all your family and friends with love,' Mr Alden continues.

A GoFundMe page to raise money for the boys' funerals has been launched by Max's aunt, Christine Fothergill.  Police have launched a murder inquiry and are vowing to 'leave no stone unturned' in the hunt for 'further suspects'.  Two arrests have been made a 44-year-old man and a 15-year-old boy, who remain in police custody. A vehicle has also been seized as police continue their enquiries.  Tributes were left for the teenagers at a vigil in their memory last night, where a heartbroken local told how she held one of the victims in her lap as emergency services raced to the scene.  Parents and children were among some 150 people who gathered last night to pay their respects, with mourners lighting candles and laying flowers with messages remembering Max and Mason and expressing sympathy for their loved ones.  Anti-knife crime campaigner Leanne Reynolds gave an emotional address to the gathered mourners saying: 'We need to stand up and we're not going to put up with this.   No one should be on our streets with a knife.  'It needs to stop, we still need to push to get education we need to explain to these kids that knives are not the way. They need to stop carrying knives.'

England rugby star Ellis Genge went to nursery on Illminster Avenue, where the attack too place, and was among those to offer his support.  He wrote on social media: 'My thoughts are with the families affected by this tragic incident.  I went to nursery at Illminster Avenue and although I know what the west is like, it still shocks you to see news like this.  Kids in these communities need more support and help to be kept away from violence.'

Teenager Shere, 18, said he knew the two boys well and was shocked by the news.  Speaking at the scene today, he said: 'I knew Max. I messaged him yesterday morning to try and meet. We heard about the news and came down here last night.  It is so messed up. Mason had only just lost his dad - I don't know how his mum is coping right now. Our mums are friends.  It's a cruel world. More police are needed here to sort this out.   They need to do more stop and searches on these lads and need to block off where they are getting everything from.  It's not just knives, it's guns too it's all sorts. I just can't believe they are gone.'

One girl, who lives a couple of houses down from the scene of the crime, said she saw the aftermath of the stabbings.  She said: 'I saw the group jump into the car after the boys were stabbed.  I saw definitely two in the car, with three in a van - squished in all sitting in bunched together. It's why the police will find it hard to get them all.  The bus stop is right by our house there were witnesses and I think a lot of them have come forward.  It's been scary, everyone around here is shaken.'

Among the growing number of tributes left at the scene was a note from one of the victim's teachers.  They said: 'Today there will be a missing smile in my classroom. You will always be remembered lovey boys.'

Local school Oasis Academy Connaught, which is a short walk from the scene of the tragedy, said it would be supporting pupils today following the weekend's events.  'Many of you will have heard of the tragic event that happened last night in our community. Our love goes out to all,' the elementary school said in a statement on Facebook.  'We will make sure your children have their adults available to talk to in school if and when they need them.  Please look after each other and those who are in need at this sad time.'

On Sunday night, dozens gathered on Newquay Road, near the scene of the double stabbing, with many expressing their anger and sadness.  A message on one card remembered  Max as 'the loveliest boy' and said he 'will most definitely never be forgotten'.  Another person said their 'heart is broken' and that they would never forget Max's 'cheeky smile'.  Julie O'Reilly was among those in attendance - and revealed she witnessed the immediate aftermath.  Visibly shaken, she said: 'I was there. I went out to the young chap on the floor I went out to him. I had his head on my lap.  Trying to tell him: 'Stay with us, stay with us we've got help coming'. That was last night.  [Today has been] awful. I can't get it out of my head. He was a good boy.'

Another local, Rianne, said she woke up to the news.  She said: 'It's shocking, really sad but you're expecting to wake up to something these days.  I don't know the families I'm in the community, but I don't know the families.  But I've got kids myself. I've just been in a right state. My kids have got to grow up around here.'

The vigil was organised on social media yesterday afternoon. One of those in attendance urged parents to be vigilant to prevent their youngsters from getting caught up in knife crime.  'We need to stand up now, as a community, as a city. We need to stand up and we are not going to put up with this. No child should be on our streets with a knife, they have no reason,' she said in video recorded at the scene

'Go home, search your children's room. Anything you find, get it out of the room and stand together.  Don't be frightened to look for help. Don't let your children come in with new clothes, new trainers, and you don't know where they're from. They are being groomed, get them off the street.  We need to work together as a community, we need to bang on doors. We need funding, we need our kids off the streets.'

Police scrambled to the scene 'within minutes' of a call to an address on Ilminster Avenue, in Knowle West, at around 11.20pm yesterday.  Police carried out first aid at the scene before the two boys were rushed to hospital by ambulance after sustaining fatal stab wounds.  Avon and Somerset Police confirmed that the boys had been attacked by 'a number of people' who fled from the scene in a car.   The teenagers sadly died at Southmead Hospital and Bristol Royal Hospital for Children in the early hours of Sunday morning, with the boys' families by their side.  Police have launched a murder investigation, which is being led by the force's Major Crime Investigation Team.  A heavy police presence remains at the scene with house-to-house enquiries underway and CCTV and doorbell footage being gathered by investigating officers.  Forensic officers could also be seen combing the street.  Police say it is not yet clear at this stage what the motive was behind the attack or if the attackers and victims were known to each other.  Neither boy has yet been formally identified and post-mortem examinations will be carried out in due course.  In a press conference on Ilminster Avenue yesterday, Bristol Commander Superintendent Mark Runacers said that boys' families had been made aware of the two arrests, and are being supported by specially trained family liaison officers.  He told reporters: 'The boys' families were with them at hospital and our thoughts are with them as they process these awful events'.

He added: 'I'd like to reassure people that we will leave no stone unturned in our efforts to catch those responsible for this reprehensible attack, and provide answers to the victims' families.  We are in the early stages of our enquiry but we have already identified a number of witnesses who we will be taking statements from'.

Further suspects are 'being sought' amongst the group believed to be responsible, he said.  He urged anyone who has any information to come forward to either the police or Crimestoppers anonymously 'as soon as possible'.

Detectives are particularly keen to speak with passengers on a double-decker bus which was on Ilminster Avenue at the time of attack, and remains at the scene.  It's not believe anyone involved in the incident was on or got off the bus, Supt Runacres said.  A mobile police station has been setup near the scene where a large cordon remains in place on Ilminster Avenue, between Newquay Road and Tavistock Road.   CCTV cameras are dotted around the area - including one at the junction between Newquay Road and Ilminster Avenue.  A worker in a shop on Newquay Road said the cameras were a sign of problems.  He said: 'This area's been hit [bad] for donkey's years. Two young kids this time.  You tell me any other street in the UK that needs two cameras either side of it?'

Locals in Knowle West said the violence had left them feeling 'panicked' and unsafe.  One man, who did not want to be named, said: 'I have two kids. My daughter is 23. My son is 15.  Have a think about how I feel as a father? I feel so bad and panicked.  My son is 15 I can't believe it. I thought it was a joke at first. How is this possible in 2024?  This is the problem. I don't feel safe with my kids here.'

A woman who arrived at the cordon claimed her neighbour's son was one of the teenagers who died.  The resident, who also did not want to be named, said: 'It was my next door neighbour's son right outside my house last night.  No one's seen my neighbour, which is understandable.'
 
She refused to give further details.  Supt Mark Runacres said: 'This is an incredibly shocking and tragic incident where two young boys, who had their whole lives ahead of them, have sadly died.  Our collective thoughts are with their families at what is undoubtedly a very difficult time. Specialist family liaison officers will now be assigned to the families to provide them with support and keep them updated on the investigation.  A cordon is in place on Ilminster Avenue between Newquay Road and Tavistock Road, and members of the public can expect to see a large police presence as forensic searches and other enquiries are conducted.  There are a significant number of properties within the cordon and we would like to apologise for the disruption caused, but we hope people understand the importance of the work being carried out. House-to-house enquiries are underway and CCTV and doorbell footage continues to be gathered.  We have also identified several witnesses who we will be taking statements from. Detectives are particularly keen to speak with passengers on a bus which was on Ilminster Avenue at the time of the incident.  The neighbourhood policing team will be setting up a mobile police station near the scene. We encourage anyone with any concerns or questions to speak to any of the officers. High-visibility patrols will also be carried out to provide reassurance to the community.'

He added: 'It is extremely important there should be no commentary or sharing of information or images online which could in any way prejudice any future proceedings.  It can be an offence to identify anyone who witnessed all or part of the incident as well as those who have been arrested.  I'd also like to remind people of the impact the sharing of images, footage or even discussing the incident online may have on the families of the two boys. They are already going through the most difficult of times and you may cause them further upset.'

Avon and Somerset Police added that 'tragedies such as this are a stark reminder of the awful consequences of knife crime'.

The force added: 'Reducing knife crime is one of our key priorities as a police service, it's something we work all year round tackling'.

Anyone with information about the incident or with any relevant footage, has been asked to contact 101 and quote reference 5224023382.

central

day

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-12996565/Jewish-school-denial-bullying-14-year-old-girl-took-life-boys-mocked-female-pupils-messages-photos-Snapchat-inquest-hears.html

Jewish school was 'in denial' over bullying of 14-year-old girl who took her own life after boys mocked female pupils with messages and photos on Snapchat, inquest hears

    Mia Janin was found dead at her family home in Harrow on March 12, 2021
    For confidential support call the Samaritans on 116123 or go to samaritans.org

By Frankie Elliott

Published: 15:34, 23 January 2024 | Updated: 15:59, 23 January 2024

A Jewish school was 'in denial' over bullying of 14-year-old girl who took her own life after being tormented by a group of boys for years, an inquest heard today.  Mia Janin, a year 10 pupil at the Jewish Free School (JFS) in Kenton, north-west London, was found dead at her family home in Harrow on March 12, 2021.  Barnet Coroner's Court heard statements from children in Mia's year describe how she was bullied online and in person for the three years she attended the school.  The inquest was told how a Snapchat group was used by Mia's tormentors to mock the teenager and post nude photos of her and other female students.  The school denies being aware of the bullying and the difficulties it was causing Mia, but pupils claim they must have been aware but did nothing to stop it.  In statements read out to the the inquest, one of Mia's friends said: 'JFS probably did know about Mia's bullying. Could they not see anything? How did they miss the bullying that was happening in front of them?'

Another added: 'The school was in denial all the time. They didn't know she was being bullied and didn't hold those who bullied her accountable.  One of the statements described how the group of boys bullied her and other students 'on buses, class and at home'.

Another described how boys kicked footballs at her and her friends, whilst also filming her and calling her names.  Some of them described how one of the boys labelled Mia's friendship group the 'suicide squad' seven months before Mia took her own life, and that this name stuck.  They also described the Snapchat group chat named 'Panacha' which included more than 60 boys from JFS and possibly other schools.  The pupils claimed this chat was widely known about at the school.  Boys used the chat, the inquest heard, to post messages mocking girls at the school, and to post photos of their faces superimposed onto nude bodies of porn stars.  One said they also used the group to share nude photos of girls at the school, which they pressured girls to send them.  In their evidence Mia's friends said they had not seen the group, but knew when someone had been targeted because the boys would talk about it at school.  One child, who described the group as 'intimidating' and 'disrespectful' said: 'I never saw the group chat but did know things would be shared on it because people would talk about what was being shared at school.'

A TikTok video she posted the evening before she died criticising two of her bullies was shared on the Snapchat group.  This led to Mia feeling intensely anxious and she left a voice note with a friend in which she said she was 'mentally preparing herself to get bullied' as a result of the video.  A number of the children said that the next day she seemed 'normal', but one of her friends recalled a conversation they had had at lunch: 'She said 'if you died, would people care about you the next day?'

'I didn't think it was a big deal, we laughed it off,' she said.

Most of the children who gave statements knew Mia was being bullied, but didn't know how bad things were getting, with one saying: 'She hid it really well.'

The inquest heard that the Snapchat group was deleted at the request of Rabbi Cohen, the school safeguarding lead, a few weeks after Mia's death.
Mia's father Mariano Janin gave a moving speech in which he described his daughter as a 'special person'.  'Mia was a special person. She was beautiful, bright and full of life, full of light,' he said.

'On the last night of Mia's life we were sitting at the table having dinner, and she told us she had a hard week.  I was surprised as to what she said, as she had only been back at school one day. She said she wanted to leave JFS.  Marisa [Mia's mother] told her she could and we could look into home schooling.  I was very concerned what would have happened after one day at school, that she should come home distressed.  I didn't realis e at the time just how bad things were for her.'

Mr Janin said that when he dropped Mia off at school on 12 March 2021, 18 hours before her death, she had been 'full of plans' for the future.  He said she had plans to take up drama again, and to go on holiday to Greece in the summer.  'The only thing she asked me was permission to go with her friends to Camden Market on Saturday,' he said.

'She was planning the weekend and starting to plan the holidays and planning to start cheerleading and drama again.'

Mr Janin asked the coroner: 'Can you assure me she was not the victim of a pornography ring inside the school? Can you tell me this? This will be my goal, to find the answer to this question.'

The coroner assured him that 'anything that happened in the school is what we are looking at. There is no evidence that Mia was involved in that.'

The inquest is scheduled to finish tomorrow.

For confidential support call the Samaritans on 116123 or visit a local Samaritans branch, see www.samaritans.org for details