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Reframing Our Loneliness
January 12, 2024
by Meredith Houston Carr

"Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there." Psalm 139:7-8 (NIV)

“What do you have coming up this week?”

I tried to disguise the crack in my voice as I answered my mom's question as casually as possible, not wanting her to hear the ache of isolation I felt. “Oh, this and that. You know, busy mom life.”

A cross-country move had left me miles away from family and friends. Sure, life was busy in this new place but busy is a poor substitute for relationships and the security of being known. Those days, loneliness felt like my only friend, a BFF so devoted she would never leave my side.  Perhaps you can relate. The friendships you desire haven’t materialized (or perhaps they’ve fallen by the wayside). The partner you’d hoped to spend your life with hasn’t shown up yet (or maybe decided to walk away). Your home that used to buzz with children’s laughter and light is all quiet now (or you’ve dreamed of this home but haven’t been able to build it).  Despite all the blessings in your life, there’s no denying it your heart feels the sorrowful squeeze of seclusion.  When loneliness strikes, the Bible provides comfort. In my season of solitude, I especially found encouragement in today’s key verses from Psalms, beautifully penned by David:  “Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there” (Psalm 139:7-8).

In poetic form, David reminds us of the one crucial truth we can cling to for dear life when loneliness looms: We are never truly alone, no matter how void our hearts or homes feel.  God's watchful, unwavering presence wraps around us, even when others have walked away. His Spirit goes with us to the world’s farthest reaches or into the workplaces where we feel unseen. He holds us steady when grief gnaws at our souls and when the enemy whispers, You will never belong.  Like David, we can learn to reframe how we see lonely seasons not as a vacuum to fill but as an invitation into a deep and abiding fellowship with our heavenly Father. Through this lens, we can even learn to embrace lonely seasons as a unique opportunity to let Jesus fill our empty spaces. In the process, we’ll find that His presence provides an abundance no earthly relationship and no amount of numbing can match!  The next time loneliness squeezes your heart, let it be a reminder to lean into God’s unseen, unending presence.  Through prayer, tenderly turn over all your pain and tears to Him.  Then invite Jesus into your empty places, dear one and prepare to enjoy the comfort of His closeness like never before.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-66719859

Who is Ruby Franke, the parenting influencer jailed for child abuse?

21 February

By Mattea Bubalo
BBC News

A woman who sprang to fame giving controversial parenting advice has been sentenced to at least four years in prison for child abuse. What happened to Ruby Franke and her family?

On a late August morning in Utah, a 12-year-old boy covered in open wounds knocked at the door of a neighbour's house asking for food and water.  He had escaped a nearby home moments before, by climbing out a window and running away with duct tape still on his ankles, police say.  The boy was taken to hospital suffering from malnourishment and "deep lacerations from being tied up with rope," according to the arrest record.  In total, four children were taken into care and Franke, a parenting influencer and mother of six, was arrested.  On Tuesday, 42-year-old Franke tearfully apologised in court as she learned her sentence, saying: "I was so disoriented that I believed dark was light and right was wrong."

She previously pleaded guilty to starving and abusing her children.  She appeared along with her former business partner Jodi Hildebrandt, 54, who received the same sentence. Each woman was jailed for four terms of one to 15 years each.  How did it come to this, for a woman who imparted parenting advice to two million YouTube subscribers?

Breakthrough and backlash

For some, Franke's arrest was no surprise, given the hundreds of videos over a number of years that had sparked criticism of her strict parenting style.  She was behind the 8 Passengers YouTube channel which launched in 2015, during a boom in popularity for an array of family vlogging channels - a genre in their own right - that were making money on the platform.  A year later, her videos had gained tens of thousands of views. She told local news at the time that filming herself with her family helped her "live in the present and just enjoy the kids".

The videos she edited were a window into her life, showing a typical Mormon suburban family home-schooling, cooking, eating and chatting away together.  But some moments raised eyebrows.  In one video, she could be seen telling her sons they would "lose the privilege to eat dinner" if they continued play-fighting. In another, she said that her six-year-old "needed" to go hungry after forgetting to take her lunch to school.  "Hopefully nobody gives her food and nobody steps in and gives her a lunch, because then she's not going to learn," she told the camera.

They had been trying to teach their children to "live responsibly" as "masters of themselves", her now-estranged husband Kevin Franke later said of the incident.  Despite the criticism, the Frankes' authoritarian parenting approach continued and the audience kept building. Experts believe her success reflects a modern anxiety among parents that can lead them to seek out radical and harmful solutions.  "For parents who feel lost and desperate, particularly when it's dealing with problematic behaviour, extreme techniques become appealing, particularly if they see results," parenting psychologist Dr Maryhan Baker told the BBC.

The success of family vlogging channels like Ruby Franke's can play on people's fears about their own parenting skills, child development specialist Dr Siggie Cohen explained.  "Parents are scared to make mistakes, and look for someone that seems to them to be fully in charge and in control."

Beanbag sleeping

An off-the-cuff comment made by Franke's teenage son brought her parenting style to the attention of more mainstream audiences outside of the family vlogging sphere.  In a 2020 video, he revealed that his bedroom had been taken away for seven months and he was instead sleeping on a beanbag, after playing pranks on his sibling. According to Franke in the same video, her son had shown he was unable to manage a bedroom and was offered alternatives such as a guest bed or inflatable mattress.  The tone of their discussion was light, with the story drawing giggles from Franke and her other child. But many viewers were disturbed by the incident.  A petition started by one demanding an investigation brought in thousands of signatures and child protective services were called.  The outrage led to some YouTube and TikTok users making their own videos about the family, gaining millions of views. Older clips, such as those showing Franke describing withholding meals as a disciplinary measure, resurfaced and made headlines.  In response to the controversy, Ruby and Kevin Franke told the news website Insider some accounts had "malicious" intentions and purposefully took the clips out of context.  "They were purely seeking to throw hate. That was their only objective. A reasonable person would not have seen that video and thought: 'She is a child abuser,'" Ruby Franke told the site.

Kevin Franke's lawyer later distanced him from the abuse allegations, saying he had no role in them.  "He is a good person," Randy Kester told Good Morning America, claiming that the Frankes had been living in separate homes for the past 13 months.

Kevin Franke later filed for divorce from his wife and asked for the maximum sentence to be imposed on her calling the abuse suffered by his children "horrific and inhumane".

End of channel

The controversy effectively marked the beginning of the end for the 8 Passengers YouTube channel. Daily videos were whittled down to two or three videos per week, and then none at all before it was deleted.  But Franke remained active on social media, forming a new advice channel in June 2022 called ConneXions with Hildebrandt, her business partner and counsellor.  The content they made together had a small fraction of the audience that 8 Passengers had in its prime. Franke once claimed that venture helped her make millions. She left that lucrative world, she said, to save her children.  Recent posts on an Instagram account that the two share, called Moms of Truth, offer parenting guidance, urging followers to avoid "coping strategies" to distract from the "pain and discomfort of Reality/Truth".  It is not clear what this reality or truth looks like, but the coping strategies they list include social media, exercise and socialising.

'Long road ahead'

On 30 August, the two women were arrested after Franke's malnourished son made his escape. Days later, they were charged with six counts of child abuse.  "Justice is being served," her eldest daughter wrote on Instagram, claiming she had been trying to raise concerns about her estranged family with police and child protection services for years.

Franke's arrest "needed to happen", her sisters wrote in a joint statement, saying they had previously kept quiet for the sake of the children involved.  Neither Franke nor Hildebrandt responded to a BBC request for comment after they were charged. The law firm representing Franke told the BBC that they would not make a statement.  Franke's children are now safe, according to her sisters and estranged daughter, who said they have "a long road ahead" to recovery.

KING ARTHUR'S UNKNOWN KNIGHTS

It is a little-known fact that King Arthur had more knights than is usually believed. They included:

~ Sir Face - the devastatingly handsome, but disappointingly shallow knight.

~ Sir Pass – Arthur's best knight of all.

~ Sir Port - a great help to all the other knights.

~ Sir Culation – a knight who got around, especially popular at parties.

~ Sir Prise – the knight who could always be relied on to do the unexpected.

~ Sir Vey – a watchful knight.

~ Sir Cuitous  - a knight who approached his duties in a roundabout way.

~ Sir Pose - a knight who stands by wild predictions.

~ Sir Cumvent – the evasive knight.

~ Sir Reen – a calm and cheerful knight.

~ Sir Spicious – a paranoid knight.

~ Sir Real – a vague and insubstantial knight.

~ Sir Cumstances – a knight whose fault it never was.

~ Sir Cumference - invented the round table.

~ Sir Plus - that extra knight.

~ Sir Cumference - the obese knight.

There was a Super Bowl football game between the big animals and the little animals. The big animals were crushing little animals. At half time the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals.  At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball. The first play, the elephant got stopped for no gain. The second play, the rhino was stopped for no gain. On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5 yard loss.  The defense huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly, "Who stopped the elephant?"

"I did," said the centipede.

"Who stopped the rhino?"

"Uh, that was me too," said the centipede.

"And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?"

"That was me as well," said the centipede.

"SO WHERE WERE YOU THE FIRST HALF?" demanded the coach.

"Well," replied the centipede, "I was having my ankles taped."

HOW'S YOUR JOB AT...

Q. How's your job at the clock factory?
A. Only time will tell.

Q. How's your job at the banana company?
A. I keep slipping up.

Q. How's your job at the travel agency?
A. I'm going nowhere.

Q. How's your job at the pie company?
A. It didn't pan out.

Q. How's your job at the balloon factory?
A. We can't keep up with inflation.

Q. How's your job at the crystal ball manufacturer?
A. I'm making a fortune.

Q. How's your job at the history book publisher?
A. There's no future in it.

Q. How's your job on the farm?
A. Things keep cropping up.

Q. How's your job at the sewing shop?
A. Hanging on by a thread.