Devotions

[PippaJane]

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Free To Live in Control of Our Desires
August 18, 2022
by Christina Patterson

“'I have the right to do anything,' you say but not everything is beneficial. 'I have the right to do anything'—but I will not be mastered by anything." 1 Corinthians 6:12 (NIV)

“What do you wish mommy would do less?”

I reluctantly asked my kids this conversation-starter question we found in a children’s magazine.  Without a second of hesitation my son answered, “Be on your phone.”

My heart sank. God had already been gently sending signs that the time I spent on my phone was excessive, and my son's honest answer woke me up to this truth even more.  When I was tired, I reached for my phone. When I was bored, I scrolled through social media. When I was anxious, I looked for a distraction in my email. My phone was my not-so-secret security blanket, and God wasn't the only one who noticed.  As I prayed to break this unfortunate habit, the Lord led me to 1 Corinthians 6:12, which says:

“‘I have the right to do anything,’ you say but not everything is beneficial. ‘I have the right to do anything’ but I will not be mastered by anything.”

In this scripture, the Apostle Paul taught the church at Corinth the importance of self-control. As believers, we have a lot of freedom, but we should not use that freedom to make decisions that compromise the lives Christ died for us to have.  You may be thinking, I often use my phone for good things to send encouraging emails, text a friend “Happy Birthday” or even pay my tithes. Me too! And those things are good but still, the amount of time I spent on my phone and my reasons for doing so were certainly not always beneficial, fruitful or necessary.  This was a matter of self-control. Would I control my phone, or would it control me? God's call to practice self-control grew increasingly louder.  On one of my anxious social media scrolls, I saw a post from a friend that asked, “If you don't control yourself, who does?”

Yes, God was making His message clear in every way He could.  Whether scrolling social media, making excessive trips to the pantry or growing that pile of packages at our door, we lose control when our wants rule us more than our God does. We are called to walk by the Spirit, not to be mastered by our desires.  How do we break the habits that are not beneficial to free living in Christ? Here are a few steps we can take together:

1.  Seek God. (Matthew 6:33) We can pray to God for the strength to help us. Often our lack of self-control is rooted in a deeper need. Ask God for revelation as to what that need may be and for healing in that area.
2.  Set boundaries. (1 John 2:17) Don't give complete control to any desire. Set limits on how much and how often you indulge in any activity that may become excessive. Start small and work your way up to more boundaries as necessary.
3.  Give yourself grace. (2 Corinthians 12:9) God isn't revealing your shortcomings because He wants to condemn you. He's doing it because He wants to free you. Don’t waste time beating yourself up if you get off track. Focus on God's grace and allow His love to motivate you to keep walking toward freedom.

When we make choices out of self-control and not our feelings that come and go, we find the power to live freely for God.  Self-control is a gift the Holy Spirit gives to all believers. It’s not something we need to earn, but it’s something we must make the daily decision to use. And as we do, the Spirit releases us from the lesser things of this world and leads us to free living in Christ.

[PippaJane]

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Building a Firm Foundation
August 19, 2022
by Laura Bailey

“But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of, because you know those from whom you learned it, and how from infancy you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.” 2 Timothy 3:14-15 (NIV)

“Mom, I’m thirsty.”

“Mom, she’s touching me.”

“Mom, we already know this Bible story.”

A few weeks ago, I had purchased a new Bible filled with colorful illustrations, faith-based questions for different ages and a reading plan. I had envisioned my three young girls snuggled together with me in bed, quietly and attentively absorbing the Scriptures a picture-perfect family devotional time.  Except I forgot they were three young girls, and well, very few things usually go as I plan or imagine.  Now I was exhausted; the hour was late, and I lacked energy for another bedtime battle. After a quick prayer, I planted kisses on little foreheads and switched off the lights. Figuring we would try again the next evening, I shuffled down the stairs.  Night after night, I left the girls’ room discouraged as I tried to engage them with Scripture but doubted my efforts were impacting them spiritually.  Are they learning anything?

Should I just wait until they are older?

Am I even making a difference?

I couldn’t help but wonder if it would be better to just hit the “pause” button and wait until they were older to study the Bible. Then Paul’s letters to Timothy came to mind.  Timothy was pastoring the church of Ephesus, where the Apostle Paul sent him letters filled with advice and motivation. Paul's love for Timothy is palpable; his letters are filled with encouragement, friendship and hope. Although Paul was not Timothy’s biological father, Paul referred to Timothy as “my true son” (1 Timothy 1:2, NIV).

As Paul wrapped up his second letter to Timothy, he encouraged him with these words from our key verses, 2 Timothy 3:14-15:  “But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of, because you know those from whom you learned it, and how from infancy you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.”

At the beginning of the letter, Paul recalled to Timothy the godly influence of Timothy's mother and grandmother as they taught him the Word of God and nurtured his faith “from infancy” (2 Timothy 3:15). Second Timothy 1:5 says, “I am reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also.”

Timothy’s mother and grandmother diligently studied the Scriptures, sharing the gospel and their knowledge of the Lord with Timothy at an early age and throughout his youth.  Like all of us, Timothy probably experienced some of the storms and stresses of typical adolescence. Regardless, the women in Timothy’s life persevered and were faithful to what God has commanded Christian parents to do teach our children about the Lord. (Deuteronomy 6:7)  Although Timothy experienced many challenges in his ministry, by teaching him the Word of God, those closest to him had laid a strong spiritual foundation for him to stand upon. We, too, must seek to do the same today, for it is an abiding trust in Christ that will enable our children (and us) to face difficult circumstances while grounded firmly in the knowledge of God’s Word.  Don’t give up, friend. Let's fill the children in our spheres of influence our children, our grandchildren, the kids at church or next door with the knowledge of God. Let's teach them the Scriptures and show them the love of Jesus, whether it means persevering through a nightly family devotional or finding ways to pray for, serve and disciple children in our community. We can build a strong spiritual foundation, lesson after lesson, and pray they will stand firmly on the solid rock of Christ Jesus. (Matthew 7:24-27)

[heartbroken]

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When It May Be Time To Draw a Healthy Boundary
September 6, 2022
by Lysa TerKeurst

“Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control.” Proverbs 25:28 (NIV)

I’ll never forget asking my counselor to help me process how I finally got to the place where I said this about a difficult relationship I was walking through: “No more. No more devastation. No more betrayal. No more being lied to. No more.”

I wondered if that was the moment I became broken. But he replied, “No, Lysa, that was the moment you declared you were healing.”

Sometimes “no more” means doing the work to fight for the relationship. By implementing good boundaries, each person can be held accountable to healthier relational patterns.  Sometimes “no more” means acknowledging the heartbreaking reality that the relationship is no longer sustainable or safe. Though this is really hard, wise counsel has helped me see there’s a big difference between difficulties that can be worked through and destructive patterns that are detrimental to our well-being.  Both dynamics require that we pursue healing. We need solid Truth from God’s Word to help, guide and direct us. Sometimes we may also need a godly professional counselor who is specifically trained to educate, comfort and challenge us.  I know what it feels like to be paralyzed by another person’s choices and not know what to do about it. In the past, I’ve been hesitant to draw boundaries both because it felt uncaring and because I didn’t have the confidence to know how to implement and communicate healthy parameters.  Now, I’ve discovered a better way to view boundaries. I don’t draw boundaries hoping to force another person to change in ways they may be unwilling to change or incapable of changing. Instead, I place boundaries on myself to help me exercise self-control over what I will and will not tolerate. Self-control is crucial so that I regulate my reactions and direct my efforts toward myself staying in a healthy place. Good boundaries are the only fighting chance I have for navigating relational challenges in a productive and healthy way.  If you’re in a “no more” kind of place, consider these questions about boundaries and how you might be able to apply this in your own life beginning today. Remember, this assessment isn’t permission to be selfish and "peace out" on responsibilities. Instead this is meant to help us see where we may be losing self-control because we don’t have appropriate boundaries, like our key verse warns against: “Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control” (Proverbs 25:28).

    What kind of person do I want to be, not just in this relationship but consistently in all my relationships?
    What do I need to do in this relationship to stay consistent in my character, conduct and communication?
    What are some areas of my life where I have the most limited capacity (for example: at my job, in parenting, during the holidays, etc.)?
    Based on my realistic assessment of my capacity, does this relationship threaten to hyperextend what I can realistically and even generously give?
    Do I feel the freedom in this relationship to communicate what I can and cannot give without the fear of being punished or pushed away?
    What are some realistic restrictions I can place on myself to reduce the access this person has to my most limited emotional or physical resources?
    In what ways is this person’s unpredictable behavior negatively impacting my trust in my other relationships?
    How am I suffering the consequences of another person's choices more than they are?
    What are this person's most realistic and most unrealistic expectations of me? What are my most realistic and most unrealistic expectations of them?
    What boundaries do I need to put in place?

As you consider these questions, you may find it helpful to process them with a trusted godly mentor or Christian counselor. These questions to consider aren’t to further complicate our relational dynamics. Instead, these are meant to help identify where we are dancing with dysfunction.  Toxic realities in relationships will not tame themselves. We cannot ignore them into health. Nor can we badger them into a better place. We have to get honest about the hardships that are complicating and probably preventing the kind of health we not only want but need for some of our relationships to survive.  I’ve learned we can’t just “get over” our hurts we have to work through them. And boundaries are a great way to start experiencing health in your own life. Let’s take this step together.

[heartbroken]

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You Are Worth Taking Care Of
September 7, 2022
by Bonnie Gray

“See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.” Matthew 6:28b-29 (NIV)

I forgot I left out the flowers after coming home from the grocery store. I’d spent an embarrassing amount of time deciding whether even to get flowers.  When it comes to buying flowers for friends to cheer them up, I don’t hesitate. But flowers for myself?

It felt too indulgent. Then I felt torn between buying flowers that cost less or buying the ones I wanted: hydrangeas.  I decided to go for it, placing the hydrangeas in my cart. But they ended up on the countertop at home that night. Because I was rushing to get dinner on the table, by the time the family gobbled up the food and washed the dishes, it was too late.  I forgot to put the flowers in water! They were neglected, put to the side. The petals all wilted.  So many times, I feel like those wilted flowers, worn and exhausted because I’ve neglected my emotional and physical well-being. I get so busy taking care of everyone else, I forget God cares about my well-being.  Do you, too, ever feel like those hydrangeas, in need of nurturing?

Do you find it easy to put your heart to the side?

God understands all the hard circumstances surrounding you. Yet your well-being is at the very center of God’s heart. You are His beloved daughter. God cares for you.  How you feel is important to God. He sees how you’re really doing. He wants you to take care of yourself because He loves you.  Having grown up the oldest child in a single-parent family, I’m an encourager by nature. I find it easier taking care of others, yet so often I forget my own well-being needs tending to until I end up feeling exhausted and burned out with stress and worry.  When you feel overwhelmed, hear Jesus whisper to you in Matthew 6:25-29:  “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these” (NIV).

Do not worry about tomorrow, God says. Look at the wildflowers they do not toil. Yet how beautiful I’ve made them.  How much more you mean to me, more than any of these!  Are you worried about so many needs around you that you’ve forgotten you, too, are worth taking care of?

Let’s get practical. Maybe you’re wondering, What is a simple way to remind myself of God’s care?

Soul Care Tip: Buy yourself flowers. A Rutgers University study found that simply looking at flowers improves emotional health; the presence of flowers triggered happy emotions in participants, increasing feelings of life satisfaction. Flowers are a God-given, natural mood enhancer!  Today, when you feel pressures pressing in, here is truth you can hold on to and breathe in.  Do something that brings you joy.  Do something that brings you peace.  Do something that brings you beauty.  And hear Jesus whispering:  I love you. I am with you.  Shine your light. Sing your song.  You are worth investing in, taking care of and nurturing.  The happy ending to my story is that I learned hydrangea petals freshen up when placed in warm water. A few hours later, my flowers were refreshed again!  Your heart will also be refreshed, just like flowers blooming in the warmth of the sun, when you take time to rest and enjoy what brings you peace and joy.  It’s never too late to run into the arms of our loving Savior, who cares deeply about our well-being!

[heartbroken]

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Light the Way
September 12, 2022
by Lauren Green McAfee

“Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.” Psalm 119:105 (NIV)

Every morning growing up, hours before most of my friends were awake, I was up learning math from my dad.  Since I was home-schooled until middle school, I would wake up before the sun, eyes still drowsy, and march downstairs to see a dim light stretching out from my dad’s office, where I would start my lesson for the day.  The soft glow from my dad’s office pierced the darkness and gave me enough light to see the stairs I walked down. And there, behind his desk, my dad would be reading his Bible allowing the Light of the World to shine into his heart.  Today when I read our key verse, Psalm 119:105, I often think of those early-morning math lessons.  Many years after my middle-school days, my dad would end up leading an effort to found a world-class museum dedicated to the Bible, called Museum of the Bible, in Washington, D.C. When you walk into Museum of the Bible, one of the first things you see, etched in the marble pillar in the middle of the lobby, is the museum's theme verse, which is also our key verse today: “Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path” (Psalm 119:105).

This verse is found in the middle of the longest chapter in the Bible. This majestic chapter celebrates the incredible gift that is the Scriptures. What we have in the Bible is a miracle the children of ancient Israel only saw in flashes during the Exodus or received from the prophets.  God has spoken to us, and we have His words preserved. And what are we to recognize His Word as?

Light. But if I’m being honest, I don’t always see it.  The day-to-day busyness of parenting, marriage, cleaning the house, volunteering at church, working and trying to stay engaged in my friendships can feel like there is never enough time in the day to study and appreciate God’s Word or see its light for my path. Yet every time I prioritize the space for Scripture engagement, I find myself more refreshed and strengthened. What a gift, that God has given us His Word to light our paths!  Ultimately, the light of God’s Word makes Him known. John 1:4-5 says, “In him [Jesus] was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it” (NIV).

Jesus showed us what a life following God’s path looks like. Each step He took, every person He touched, every word He spoke, was filled with love and truth. Jesus’ words brought healing to the hurting and life to the broken. They also brought judgment on the wicked and rebuke to the religious.  It was because He claimed to be God that the religious leaders of the day killed Him. Jesus, the “light of the world by darkness slain,” as one hymn puts it, was murdered on a cross. At the moment of His death, it was noon, yet there was a blackness that covered the sky. Darkness seemed to have won. Yet the promise in John 1:4-5 was true. The light of Jesus shined into the darkness, and the darkness could not overcome it.  What is darkness but the absence of light?

You can’t spread darkness; you can only make things darker by hiding the light.  My dad’s passionate dedication to God’s Word has had an impact on me I will never forget. And it is my prayer now that, as I learn to take time to allow God’s Word to be a light to my feet, it will have an impact on my daughter as well.

[heartbroken]

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Jesus Never Asked You To Be Busy
September 13, 2022
by Grace Valentine

“‘Martha, Martha,’ the Lord answered, ‘you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.’” Luke 10:41-42 (NIV)

I get you because I am you I’ve been you since I was 17. Always busy. Always “productive.” Living life like a race and running from activity to activity. Trying to achieve it all.  You’re overwhelmed and overbooked.  You’re undercaffeinated and underappreciated.  You’re busy.  And chances are, if you and I are this similar, then my favorite word is also your favorite word: “YES.” You say “yes” without thinking, then find yourself in over your head. Life is moving faster than you are, and some mornings, you wonder if there’s ever going to be an eye cream good enough to hide your bags.  I get it.  But, friend Jesus never asked you to be busy.  Don’t let your plans distract you from your purpose. See, there’s nothing wrong with keeping a calendar. There’s nothing wrong with having plans. But are you pursuing plans, or are you pursuing purpose?

I often get distracted from God’s will when I focus on my will. My will is to be busy, have plans, be productive and achieve success. But God’s will is forever for me to sit at His feet, focus on Him and pursue my relationship with Him. I will never know why I was created if I don’t know my Creator and Savior.  There’s a Bible passage I love where two women, Mary and Martha, prepare for Jesus to arrive at their home. However, they each handle His arrival differently. Martha was the one preparing the house while Mary sat at the feet of Jesus, simply listening to Him.  Jesus told Martha, “‘Martha, Martha you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her’” (Luke 10:41-42).

Martha may have been the one who was being productive, but she was missing out on her purpose. What Martha was doing was helpful but it wasn’t holy.  You only have one purpose, and it is Jesus.  To love Jesus.  To be with Jesus.  To show others Jesus.  So, my busy, overwhelmed and tired friend drop your worries. Drop your anxieties. Drop your to-do list. Drop your plans if they are getting in the way of time with sweet Jesus.  Your purpose is more than your job, your activities, your financial stability or your calendar. Jesus doesn’t want your schedule, your hustle or your good deeds. Jesus wants YOU.  When He said “come to me” (Matthew 11:28, NIV), I don’t think He meant “come to Me with a busy life.” He didn’t say, “Come to Me when you have space in your life.”

He meant for us to come right now in our weariness and sit at His feet. He meant for us to be authentically ourselves and not bring our full résumés. He meant for us to come now, even in the midst of the craziness of life.  Whether you are in college and overwhelmed with school, or you are a postgrad overwhelmed with adulting whether you are a mom of three, or a single woman killing it at work do me a favor and make time for Jesus time to be with Jesus. Call out to Him, and give Him your silence so you have a chance to hear Him speak. Open your Bible and read His Word.

Let's stop focusing on all the things and instead focus on Him. How are we supposed to figure out our purpose if we aren’t doing life with the One who created us?

How are we supposed to change the world if we're not first sitting at the feet of the One who saved the world?

Many people will tell us to hustle. Many people will tell us that each day is about working harder and becoming smarter. But trust me we can work as hard as we want, and if we aren’t sitting at His feet, we’re missing out on true purpose.  So go to work, study for the test and do your squats. But before you do any of that, sit quietly alone. Separate yourself from the hustle. Talk to Jesus, and open up your Bible. Jesus wants you not your hectic life, not your hustle.  Let’s seek Him first so we don't risk missing out on His beautiful Kingdom.

[Lost Soul]

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Messy Kitchen, Messy Heart
September 19, 2022
by Evan and Jenny Owens

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14:27 (NIV)

Evan and I had finally reached the stage of life when it made sense for us to host family gatherings like Thanksgiving or Christmas. It was just too chaotic to travel with all the kids, so having everyone come to our house seemed like the easier option.  But hosting had its downside.  If you’ve ever cooked for a family gathering, you know how big a mess can be created in a very short time. Mixing bowls, silverware, dirty dishes, pots and pans no surface is left uncovered.  While everyone was seemingly having a nice time, I was freaking out a little. The enormity of the mess that had overtaken my kitchen pushed me to the brink of wondering, Is this all worth it?

I mean, maybe we could just order pizza. Something had to be easier than this mess.  But as I sat down for the meal, surrounded by loved ones, and took that first bite, I found the mess was worth it. You see, a messy kitchen is a sign that a feast is coming.  Emotions are the same way. As you face past trauma or hidden wounds, engaging your true feelings may leave you feeling like an absolute, snot-bubble mess. But despite what seems like disorder and chaos, something good is coming. As you begin to move forward, surrounded by people who care deeply about you and a God who loves you, you’ll find the mess will be worth it.  When it comes to processing and managing our feelings, it’s important to remember a few facts:

1. God can handle our strong emotions. Feeling strong emotions isn’t indicative of a lack of faith or trust in God. Recall that Jesus felt strong emotions, and no one would doubt His faith or trust! (John 11:35; Matthew 26:38; Mark 3:5) God can take it when we feel desperate, furious, terrified or overwhelmed. He wants us to bring the emotions to Him and let His Holy Spirit point us to the source of the emotions so that they can be healed. (Philippians 4:6-7; 1 Peter 5:5b-7)

2. Emotions become more stable as we spiritually mature. A newly planted tree bends and sways in even the slightest breeze. But as a tree grows, it becomes less affected by the elements more stable. The same is true with our emotions and our faith. Re-engaging our feelings for the first time in a while can leave us feeling vulnerable like a tender sapling about to be completely uprooted. However, as we grow and survive the storms of life, our resilience and stability grow right along with us. As we continue feeling and healing, our confidence that we can feel without falling apart increases.

3. Emotions are not indicative of the presence of God in our situation. Sometimes when we’re happy, we say that we feel God’s presence. Other times, we feel His presence when we weep. But our lives consist of more than just mountaintops and valleys. And we can be sure of God’s presence even when we can’t feel Him. That’s because God’s presence isn’t a feeling; it’s a fact. Whether or not you feel close to God right now, He’s close to you. He longs for you to experience His uninterrupted presence. Jesus spoke of this gift to His followers on the eve of His death:  “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid” (John 14:27).

A counselor, a teacher, one who brings peace doesn’t this sound like someone we need when we are overwhelmed by strong emotions?

Our feelings can be messy, but we are never alone in them. And we can trust that, one day, the mess will yield something beautiful.

[Lost Soul]

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How To Regain a Hope-Filled Perspective
September 20, 2022
by Laura Lacey Johnson, COMPEL Training Member

“But forget all that it is nothing compared to what I am going to do.” Isaiah 43:18 (NLT)

“Show me your last cool trick!”

With this phrase, my kids knew the time had come to dry off at the swimming pool. They also knew this was their moment to show off and shine. Underwater flips transformed into twirling handstands. Cannonballs became an opportunity to go for gold at the Olympics. I could always expect that the “last cool trick” from yesterday would pale in comparison to what they’d perform today.  Watching my kids made me realize that sometimes I fear God has done His last cool trick in my life. Discouragement convinces me that my best days lie behind me or that my situation is too complicated or insignificant for God to intervene and do something new.  Sure, God still does great things in other people’s lives, just not mine.  Maybe you’ve thought something similar. Perhaps God healed you several years ago, but the health crisis staring you down now makes you doubt God could ever do that miracle again. Or maybe God showed up years ago in your marriage in some wondrous way, but fear whispers: That was then, and this is now.  When doubt limits our belief about what God can do in the future, we risk developing the same mentality as the people to whom Isaiah prophesied. During the Babylonian captivity, the Jews lived in a foreign land with adversaries who dragged them more than 1,600 miles away from Jerusalem. Yet God gave them a message of hope because He wanted to lift their eyes beyond their current situation.  The Jewish captives had become stuck in the past. For centuries, they dwelled on the parting of the Red Sea and couldn’t imagine God doing anything more spectacular. (Isaiah 43:16-17; Exodus 14:21-30)  But God wanted to turn their gaze toward the future. Reflecting on this miraculous event, God declared, “forget all that it is nothing compared to what I am going to do” (Isaiah 43:18). Why would God want them to forget one of the most powerful miracles in their exodus from Egypt?

Because God had something new for them!  “For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.” (Isaiah 43:19, NLT)

Even when our situation and future look as dry as desert sand, we can remember that, for generations, God has specialized in doing a new thing in wastelands. Fear should never hold hostage our hope. Our situation will change. God will never abandon us.  This week, pay attention anytime you place a lid on a household item: the coffee can, leftovers, the crockpot. Ask yourself, Where am I putting a lid on my faith?

We can regain a hope-filled perspective by remembering that God’s response to us remains the same today as to the ancient Israelites. God is always doing something new, and we can rest in His proven track record of faithfulness.

[PippaJane]

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5 Things To Remember When Conversations Turn Into Conflict
September 22, 2022
by Lysa TerKeurst

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand that he may lift you up in due time.” 1 Peter 5:6 (NIV)

When I find myself in a conflict, I want to find the right words to help get to the other side. But that isn’t always possible.  While talking is good, sometimes the conversation starts running in a circle, and there aren’t any productive words left to say. When this happens, it can make a girl feel like giving up. But rather than give up, I’ve learned that spending time getting quiet before the Lord can really be the best remedy for tangled situations.  Taking a step back from all the emotion, frustration and exhaustion to sit quietly with Jesus will do more to untangle a mess than anything else I’ve ever found.  Do you ever feel like relationships are hard to navigate? Maybe today you find yourself trying to figure out a situation that’s complicated, messy and unpredictable. If so, here are five beautiful things I’ve found when I stop trying to fix it all and instead get quiet with God:

1. We can feel safe enough to humble ourselves.

In the heat of a mess, the last thing I want to do is get humble. I want to overexplain and prove my point. But I’m learning I have to step out of the battle and humbly ask God to speak truth to my heart for things to start to make sense. Never have I had a relationship issue where I didn’t contribute at least something to the problem. Usually, I can only see this something in the quiet.

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand …” (1 Peter 5:6)

2. God will lift us up to a more rational place.

When we are in the heat of a tangled relationship, our emotions can drag us down into a pit of hopelessness. The only way out of the pit is to make the choice to stop digging deeper and turn to God for a solution.

“ … that he may lift you up in due time.” (1 Peter 5:6)

3. Anxiety gives way to progress.

We can pour out our anxious hearts to Jesus, who loves us right where we are, how we are. And because of His love, we can feel safe enough to admit humbly that we need Jesus to work on us. Trying to fix another person will only add to our anxiety. Letting Jesus work on us is where real progress can happen.

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:7, NIV)

4. We see our real enemy isn’t the person with whom we’re in conflict.

The truth is, we have an enemy, and it’s not each other. Satan’s influence on me and the person offending me is the real culprit. I can’t realize this in the heat of the moment. But in the quiet, I become alert and can gain a strategy for acting and reacting in a more self-controlled manner.

“Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith …” (1 Peter 5:8-9, NIV)

5. We can rest assured God will use this conflict for good no matter how it turns out.

If I make the effort to handle this conflict well, I can be freed from the pressure to make everything turn out rosy. Sometimes relationships grow stronger through conflict. But other times, relationships end because of conflict. Because I can’t control the other person, I must keep focusing on the good God is working out in me through this and leave the outcome with Him.

“And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.” (1 Peter 5:10-11, NIV)

In the end, this struggle can be used by God to make me stronger and more capable in my relationships. If I am humble enough to receive from Him in the quiet what He wants to teach me through this, I can rest assured with whatever the outcome is.

[PippaJane]

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Experiencing God’s Comfort in Chasing Sunsets
September 23, 2022
by Dorina Lazo Gilmore-Young

“The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18 (ESV)

My daughters were ages 2, 5 and 8 when their daddy graduated to heaven. We received his cancer diagnosis in May, and he soared to heaven four short months later. As a suddenly single mama, my world felt like it was turned upside down.  My husband and I were directors of a nonprofit organization in Haiti. I made the difficult decision to step back from the ministry so I could make space for grieving with my girls and find a new normal. We moved back to central California so we could be close to family and our community.  During that season, the grief felt hard and heavy, like I was carrying around a boulder on my back. Not only was I grieving the loss of my husband and the loss of our ministry; I was also helping my three daughters navigate their own losses. I knew we couldn’t just pray away our pain or rush through the process of grief.  Every grief journey is unique. Each of my daughters had different needs and different ways of processing. We tried to make our home a safe space for all the feelings and all the questions.  In that season, I started a nightly rhythm of pausing to watch the sunset together. We would sit on our back porch or pull over on the side of the road and savor the sunset colors dancing across the sky.  Our Creator God, the Master Artist, met us in the brushstrokes of sparkling gold and emerald green. The girls would point out the ribbons of ruby red and deep amethyst sashaying across the sapphire-blue sky. We would smile and delight at the jewel-toned colors. Each night the sunset was unique.  This was God’s way of offering us comfort in our grief. It felt like a kiss from Daddy in heaven. God offered us His presence through creation. He felt near. I couldn’t explain it, but my little girls felt it too.  Psalm 34:18 is one of my favorite Bible verses, as David offers up this reminder: “The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”

David faced much opposition, loss and grief in his life. But this psalm and others remind us that God does not leave us alone. We will experience trials and sorrow, but He is always near.  As the girls and I chased sunsets together night after night, God began to heal our hearts.  I don’t believe we can ever “get over” our grief on this side of heaven, but we can learn to dance with it. We can learn to share tears and embrace the memories when they are fresh and full. We experience God’s glory in the midst of our grief and He helps us to move forward in big and small ways.

[Lost Soul]

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Naming the Tension We’ve All Been Wrestling With
October 4, 2022
by Lysa TerKeurst

“Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.” 1 John 3:18 (NIV)

There is a word I haven’t dared to use when I’ve faced relationship issues or tensions in the past. I’ve avoided it. I’ve been afraid to name it. I’ve ignored it when possible.  The word is dysfunction.  No let me confess something: I have dysfunctions. Other people I know have dysfunctions. All humans alive have dysfunctions. It shouldn’t scare us when we acknowledge that dysfunctions exist. But we should be concerned when someone lives as if dysfunctions are normal.  Ahem. I’m pointing at myself here.  I’m reminded of a time when my sister came to visit. My family had just finished a few renovations where some of the wiring in our house had to be reworked. For some reason our water heater would no longer work unless the back floodlights of our house were turned on. So if you were enjoying your hot shower and someone turned off the floodlights wham! cold water was very quickly making you cringe, scream and yell downstairs for someone to turn the floodlights back on.  Hello, dysfunction.  My sister tilted her head and said, “Lysa, you know that’s weird, right? You do know an electrician would be able to fix that, right?”

Technically, I knew an electrician could fix the problem. But that wasn’t my automatic response. Calling an electrician would cost money, and when I was growing up, that wouldn’t have been an option for my family. So this thought process got ingrained in me that it’s better to get scrappy and navigate around problems rather than pay to fix them.  But this isn’t just about floodlights and hot water. It’s about what the floodlights-and-hot-water situation represents. It’s about no longer being aware of just how dysfunctional things have become and reacting as if something is normal when it absolutely is not. Dysfunction means things aren’t working correctly.  In other words, something gets in the way of how things ought to be. For example, a mother is supposed to parent her child. But it is a dysfunction when a child has to parent their mother. Another example is when a spouse is expected to be not just a partner but a savior of the other spouse. Or when one friend’s happiness is dependent on another friend making them feel OK all the time.  And when we trip over areas of our relationships that just don’t feel right, we have a choice: We can use the conflict and tension to make us more aware of our issues or totally ignore what the other person is saying and stay wrongly convinced that this will get better on its own.  But it won’t.  Appropriately addressing the issue is healthy. Ignoring the issue increases the likelihood of dysfunction.  I love how 1 John 3:18 instructs us in the importance of loving and living in relationships in truth: “Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.”

When this isn’t the case and we find ourselves in a relationship where truth is manipulated, denied or partially omitted for the sake of covering up behaviors that should be addressed, dysfunctions may not just be difficult.  They may become destructive.  We then run the risk of a pattern of wrongs being tolerated as acceptable because over time they start to feel less alarming, more acceptable and eventually our version of “normal.” And while the issues with my hot water were more of an inconvenience, the dysfunctions hiding out in my relationships and life could be truly detrimental.  Friend, I don’t know how these words may be resonating with you personally today, but here’s what I want to say to you: Dysfunctions may be inevitable. All relationships may be difficult at times. But they should not be detrimental to our well-being.  I know how hard all of this can be, but this is where I am learning healed hearts and healthier relationships begin. They begin when we choose to stop ignoring dysfunctional, maybe even destructive, patterns and when we get honest. When we choose to bring these issues into the light and address them in equal measures of both grace and truth. When we pursue healthy boundaries and see them as the way to love others well without losing the best of who we are.  We don’t have to be afraid of naming the tensions we’re already wrestling with. Healthy honesty isn’t trying to hurt us. It’s trying to heal us.

[Lost Soul]

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This Is Why Your Art Matters
October 5, 2022
by Rachel Marie Kang

“And God said, 'Let there be light,' and there was light.” Genesis 1:3 (NIV)

I was just a young girl when I learned how to see brokenness more than any other thing.  Even when I could not name it, I looked for it in the ruin of run-down buildings, in flowers faltering and failing to bloom.  More than just seeing brokenness, I could sense it, could feel it sweeping around me, seeping in and out of me. I was so good at gathering broken things and burying them deep within, until I was no longer just beholding brokenness it was beholding me.  Brokenness was becoming me.  All of us are born into this brokenness. All of us are birthed and brought into this earth of inevitable darkness, a darkness that burns beneath the bone.  You already know the story of a serpent hissing whispers of shame, of the forbidden fruit and the inevitable fall of man. (Genesis 3) So instead of telling you about the woman taking a bite and breaking the heart of God, I will tell you the story of God’s breaking of God breaking up the darkness and bringing forth light.  It’s the story of God staring out into the darkness, to which He speaks, “Let there be light” (Genesis 1:3).

It is here where our stories begin. It is here where the looming possibility of the incredibly hard and terrible things that happen in our lives first lingers. Our stories began when God created boundaries to contain and control the darkness and the deep.  We began with the world that God called good but that He still allows to remain with “a sense of wildness and chaos that must yet be controlled,” in the words of Jeffery M. Leonard, Professor of Biblical Studies at Samford University and author of Creation Rediscovered. Of course, that wildness and chaos is humankind’s own fault, not God’s it's the result of our sin.  Leonard also writes that “God charges humankind with taking up the divine mantle of creating and working to push back the boundaries of this chaos still further.”

It is within this tension of a controlled chaos not yet completely cast away that God ultimately initiates tikkun olam. This is a Judaic concept that defines this tension as God’s purpose of leaving room for repair in this world. In this restorative plan, God invites us to participate in the work of pushing back the darkness in this world, of tending to this wild planet, of tending to our own wild hearts and of playing a part in restoring all things to the way they could and should be.  Restoring all things to peace.  This is why your art matters. Every journal entry written, photograph captured, song strummed and graphic designed every letter penned drips and drowns with more weight and wonder than you will ever possibly come to imagine or understand. Whether in public or private, we bring forth art not as a way of claiming that we are right about anything but as a way of climbing back toward the light.  God’s plan in the beginning wasn’t simply to save us from the inevitability of sin. His desire all along was that we, just like Him, would live and long to push back the darkness and forever hold our gaze upon His goodness and His great light.  This is not to say we play any role in working for our own salvation. Jesus Christ completed that work once and for all on the cross. Rather, it's the work of the restoration of things (communities, classes, churches, relationships, our own lives) that we are invited into and art is just one of many ways to do so.  In response to His great love and grace, we will sing and dance and cultivate creativity in the corners of our homes.  We will read books and write our own.  We will pen poems and post photos to our socials.  We will knit scarves to keep strangers warm.  We will find creative solutions to teach our children and tend to the land.  We will experiment with recipes and invite others into our hospitable homes.  We will live our lives courageously, cultivating our art and being captivated by the art of others.  We will know that, in all that we say and do and make, we are coming to know Christ and helping to make Him known.

[PippaJane]

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Am I Actually Praying About This or Just Worrying About It?
October 13, 2022
by Lysa TerKeurst

"He also told them this parable: 'Can the blind lead the blind? Will they not both fall into a pit?'” Luke 6:39 (NIV)

Recently, I sat down to write some thoughts about relationships:  Relationships are amazing. Relationships are challenging. Relationships can be impossibly hard. Relationships can be incredibly beautiful. And because relationships are so very organic, they move like breath in and out of our lungs, expanding with deep connection one minute and in the next atrophying into complete misunderstanding.  Relationships are wonderful and full of love and frustration and wrought with angst and all the things we bring into every attempted embrace with another person. When those we love draw close to us, they draw close to our issues. And we come face to face with their issues as well.  So which is it?

Are relationships full of bliss or disappointment?

This is where I landed that day as I journaled.   It’s a fragile blend of both.  As we open up to each other, the deeper we connect, the more vulnerable we become. The more vulnerable we become, the more exposed the tender places inside of us become. This exposure is risky. When we dare to be so very known, we risk being so very hurt. When we dare to be so very hopeful, we risk being so very disappointed. When we dare to be so very giving, we risk being so very taken advantage of. And when we dare to unnaturally change into what someone else needs, we risk losing ourselves in the process.  To love and be loved is to be enveloped in the safest feeling I’ve ever known. To cause hurt and be hurt is to be crushed with the scariest feeling I’ve ever known. You and I both know this. In different ways with different people and to varying degrees, we know the multifaceted complications of love and heartbreak.  Maybe you’re living out this reality in a very raw way right now. Friend, I wish I was having coffee with you today to talk through all of this. Trust me when I say I know the delicate dance of balancing the beautiful with the frustrating, and every nuance in between, with the relationships we treasure.  And while I can’t solve all the problems you may be facing right now, there is one action item I want to encourage you to put into practice today.  Determine to pray more words over a difficult relationship in your life than you speak about it.  I’ve been challenged by this personally. A few years ago, as I processed my own hard situation with a friend, she asked, “Lysa, have you prayed about this?”

I responded with total assurance, “Oh, absolutely I have prayed about it.”

But the reality was, I had thought about it. Talked about it. Worried about it. Tried to control it. Cried over it. Strategized around it. But I hadn’t really been down on my face before the Lord, saying, “God, I don’t know what to do. This is breaking my heart. Please help me know where to go next.”

Through everything I’ve walked through over the last couple of years, I can’t think of a better piece of wisdom I could give to you, as your friend, than to pray over any difficult relational dynamics you may be facing.  In Luke 6:39, Jesus asked an important but simple question: “Can the blind lead the blind? Will they not both fall into a pit?”

I truly want Jesus leading my relationships. Guiding me, teaching me, redirecting me and showing me how to live in a way that honors Him and people I do life with.  Praying more words over difficult relationship situations and then stopping to listen for God’s conviction and instruction will certainly be key to this.  Now, what I’m not advocating for is praying, asking God for help and at the same time ignoring hurtful things inside that need to be addressed. No, we can’t enable bad behavior and call it love. We can’t tolerate destructive patterns and call it love. And we can’t pride ourselves on being loyal and long-suffering in our relationships when it’s really perpetuating violations of what God says love is. (John 13:34)  What I am encouraging us all to do is to use our words in a powerful, beneficial way, to cry out to God and ask Him for help in prayer. To remember He is God and we aren’t. To remember He is in control and we aren’t. We can do this and still address what needs to be addressed. We can do this and still assess what good boundaries may need to be implemented. Prayer doesn’t always change things immediately, but it does help remind us that we’re not navigating all of this by ourselves.  I’m convinced the more we battle out our struggles on our knees in prayer, the less we’ll have to argue and fight about in person. And the freer we will be to simply focus on loving and living together.

[PippaJane]

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Facing the Fence of Fear
October 14, 2022
by Ashlyn McKayla Ohm, COMPEL Training Member

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9 (ESV)

You can do it! I willed him to try one more time.  A graceful herd of deer near my house had just leaped a fence into a spacious pasture all except one. Since his family had already made the trip, I knew the fence was low enough for this deer to jump. But he seemed to be having trouble believing that.  Over and over and over, he backed up and made a heroic run toward the fence. But each time, instead of bounding over, he awkwardly stumbled to a halt, not allowing himself to trust the momentum he’d gained.  It was heartbreaking to watch and not just because of my compassion for the deer. It tragically reminded me of my own behavior at times.  The obstacle that blocked that deer is the same one that frequently stops me as well: fear. Now, I don’t often find myself facing a fence I need to hurdle, but I do struggle to navigate through uncertainty to the promises God has for me. I see the path ahead of me, but I just don’t think I can do it. The obstacles seem too big. My abilities seem pitifully small. Again and again, I fumble at the fence. I come right up to the edge of my comfort zone but can’t bring myself to make the leap.  The biblical leader Joshua must have understood this feeling. When the book of Joshua opens, he’d just assumed authority for several million former slaves the Israelites headed for an enemy-filled land. The people were uneasy, and the challenges looked immense. Moses, the trusted former leader, was dead. Surely Joshua must have been afraid to leap into the unknown.  But God’s plan wasn’t for Joshua to ignore his fear or pretend it didn’t exist; instead, it was for Joshua to press past the fear and lay hold of faith. “Be strong and courageous,” God urged a command repeated three times in the first nine verses of this book!

And the passage details a road map of options for choosing courage: meditating on the Word of God, (Joshua 1:8) taking action steps into the future (Joshua 1:2) and remembering the faithfulness of God in the past. (Joshua 1:5)  But the best ammunition against fear’s assaults is found in the second half of today’s key verse: “Do not be frightened for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go” (Joshua 1:9c, emphasis mine).  Friend, I don’t know what fence you’re facing today. But I do know that the truth of God’s presence is the antidote to our every struggle.  In this world, fear will often speak into our souls. But it doesn’t have to be the loudest voice. May we find the strength to take the leap of faith over the fences of fear and into the frontiers of faith.

[Cocopops]

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When You Aren’t Sure That Relationship Is Going To Make It
October 20, 2022
by Lysa TerKeurst

“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.” Psalm 139:13-14 (ESV)

I know the heart-ripping hopelessness of a relationship unraveling.  The silence. The rejection. The harsh words. The coldness. The questions. The lack of answers. The hurt.  Why is it they only call in the anesthesiologists when you are surgically cut open?

When you are being ripped open emotionally, it’s no less painful.  And that’s why my heart aches for anyone who is in a struggling relationship today wondering if they’re going to make it or if this relationship is going to go the distance. Maybe that’s you. And if it is, I’m so sorry. Whether it’s with a friend, a parent, a spouse or anyone else you love dearly, I personally know the deep hurt when one person resigns while the other is still trying. There is a panic that arises when you desperately want the other person to wake up, stop their resignation and stop all the destruction.  The situation you’re experiencing is much more complicated than simple answers I could offer here. But I do want to give you just one stepping stone upon which to stand in whatever hard relationship situation you find yourself in:  Decide today that you are worthy.  Because you are. Worthy. You may not feel like it. But a quick glimpse at Psalm 139:13-14 assures me that you are: “For you [God] formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.”

You are “fearfully and wonderfully made” by a loving God who cares for you. Who loves you. And I’d rather depend on the solid Truth of God than the roller coaster of fickle feelings.  You are beautiful and captivating and smart and capable. But if you are in a relationship full of dysfunction, unresolved issues and frustrating communication, I suspect you feel a little less than all I’ve described.  Broken-down relationships can really break down a woman. And if you’re anything like me, when you feel broken down, those around you get your worst. Then upon all the hurt and anxiety, you layer regret, shame and the feeling that you’ve lost yourself. You’ve lost that girl inside who used to be so positive and happy and ready to take on the world.  Can I whisper a tender truth to you?

The only way to recapture her is to come up for air and remember: You are worthy because the Creator of the universe says you are.  Then you can act worthy. And step aside from the emotional yuck to make some level-headed decisions for yourself. You can’t control how others act and react, but you can control how you act and react. You can get a plan. Talk to wise people who love you. Meet with a Christian counselor who will walk this tough journey with you. You can draw some healthy and helpful boundaries inside this relationship if some are needed. You can pray like crazy for clear discernment because Jesus is the best source of help.  Jesus sees. He knows. He loves. And He will direct you as long as you stick with Him. Honest cries for help, lifted up to Jesus, will not go unheard.  I pray the relationship you’re struggling in right now survives. I pray with every fiber of my being that it does. But if it doesn’t, I pray most of all that the beautiful woman you are rises above all that fell apart, still clinging tightly to the only opinion that matters the opinion of the One who forever calls you worthy.