Personal Life Change
A NEW YEAR * A NEW WAY

By Glen Aubrey

It's a New Year. For some it is a time to make (and perhaps break) fresh resolutions, or re-state, dust off, and re-use older ones whether or not they've lasted and benefited us or others.  Let's consider a commitment toward personal life change to benefit others and ourselves.  We choose to humble ourselves in gratitude when we think about another opportunity to make a positive difference.  When confronted with difficulty, which activities may represent our first inclination?

1. In times of challenge, do we inwardly or outwardly negatively criticize, offer to provide helpful critique, or diligently work to complete a person who could be assisted by our positive actions?

2. How willing are we to sacrifice to help someone else?

3. Do we strive to help or hinder?

Great leaders and faithful followers prove that people are more important than what they do. Relationships come before function and often define what improved and life-changing function can be.  In fact, let's define a relationship as what I do to help you succeed, not caring who gets the credit. It's selfless giving, following the command to Love One Another.  This is a lifestyle that may demonstrate a more meaningful existence through building lasting legacy by being a friend to others, telling truth in love, or in an atmosphere of true caring. This is the example God gives us.  So instead of making resolutions that may become easily unfulfilled, how about creating life-changing restitutions? It is a New Year for everyone.  I believe we can choose to help others. The choice is ours.  Be encouraged in who you are, and what you do.

Happy New Year!

https://proverbs31.org/read/devotions/full-post/2019/01/09/how-to-live-poured-out-for-a-marriage-that-fills-you-up

How to Live Poured Out for a Marriage That Fills You Up
January 9, 2019
Jonathan Pitts

“Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.” Deuteronomy 6:5 (NIV)

I remember the day Art and I settled in our hearts we would choose to trust God’s love for us and pursue a relationship with Him, no matter what.  We were in the hospital with our middle daughter who was 6 weeks old. She had seemed a perfectly healthy baby until an allergic reaction landed us in the intensive care unit. The doctors told us on the fourth day of our visit that Ashley needed emergency surgery, and they did not expect her to survive.  They gave us five minutes to tell our baby goodbye.  My heart was shattered.  I so desperately wanted to scoop her up and run out of the hospital. I wanted to somehow breathe my life into hers. I wanted to take her place. I could handle my own death so much easier than the death of my child. Art prayed over Ashley, we both said our goodbyes, and then, with tears streaming down our faces, we let her go.  When Art took me outside to the hospital parking lot, I collapsed into his arms. He gently cupped my face in his hands and reminded me Ashley was God’s child to give and His to take back.  “Lysa, God loves Ashley even more than we do,” he gently told me. “We must trust His plan.”

Art then asked me to do something, and it changed my whole perspective on my relationship with God. “We have to get it settled in our hearts that we will love and trust God no matter the outcome of Ashley’s surgery,” he said.

At first, I resented Art’s desire to trust God in this way. I feared it might give the impression it was alright for Him to take Ashley.  With all my being, I wanted to hold on to my child and refuse God. Yet, though I was heartbroken, I also felt God’s compassion. I felt Him drawing me close and pouring out His tender mercy. God knew firsthand the pain we were feeling because He’d felt it Himself. I knew I ultimately had no ability to control my child’s future.  With tears pouring from our eyes, Art and I released our sweet Ashley to the Lord and promised to love and trust Him no matter what.  It was as if the more I fell into God’s arms, the less the pain of the moment seared my heart. Feeling the power of God took away the fear of the unknown. I stopped thinking about the what-if scenarios and let my soul simply say, OK. God, in this minute I choose rest with You. I will not let my mind go to the minutes that are coming. I will simply be in this moment and face it with peace.  That day we settled our love for God not just for this situation, but for all time. Though we did not feel at all happy, a gentle covering of unexplainable calm settled over our hearts. Knowing that the One who loved Ashley.  The end of this chapter of Ashley’s life was miraculous, and we are so grateful. Though the doctors can’t explain how, she made a full recovery. Who can understand why God answers prayer the way He does?

I’ve lived the devastating other side of situations like this where my little sister didn't recover, and we stood at her grave, helpless and heartbroken.  But both situations have taught me that no matter God’s answer, our hearts can be settled to trust and love Him. I don't have to understand; I just have to trust. This kind of total surrender brings about a depth of peace and relationship with God you can’t get any other way. It all stems from living out today’s key verse, loving God “with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength” (Deuteronomy 6:5b).

Nothing in life is certain. Circumstances roll in and out like the ocean’s tide. And the unknown can sometimes seem so frightening.  We can’t stop or control things that roll our way any more than we can stop the water’s edge.  But we can make the minute-by-minute choice to let our souls rest in God.

Dear Lord, I want to love You with all my heart, all my soul and all my strength like Your Word instructs. Teach me how to give up the control I try to maintain as I experience uncertainties and hard times. Help me trust You, no matter what comes my way. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

TRUTH FOR TODAY

Psalm 62:8, “Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.” (NIV)

The Sheep Farmer

There was once a sheep farmer who needed help with the difficult task of castrating some of his inferior male sheep to keep them from breeding with the females. He hired a French guy who didn't speak English, but was a very good worker.  After the first day, they had successfully castrated 14 sheep and his French worker was just about to throw away the 'parts', but the sheep farmer yelled, "No! Don't throw those away! My wife fries them up and we eat them. They're delicious and we call them 'sheep fries'."

Later that day, the French hired hand came in for supper and indeed, the 'sheep fries' were tasty.  The next day, they castrated 16 sheep, and the following evening they all settled down to another supper of 'sheep fries'. The third day, however, when the sheep farmer came home, he asked his wife where the French hired hand was.  She said, "You know, it was the weirdest thing! I told him since there weren't very many 'sheep fries' this evening, we were also going to have French fries. Then he screamed and ran like hell."

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7723279/Princess-Beatrice-fiance-Edoardo-visit-fire-Prince-Andrew-Windsor-home.html

Beatrice and her fiancé Edoardo Mapelli Mozzi visit under-fire Prince Andrew and the Queen amid claims the princess helped set up her father's 'car crash' BBC interview

    Beatrice and fiance Edoardo Mapelli Mozzi visited her father today as the Epstein scandal storm continues
    Queen left Windsor at around the same time she and her husband Prince Philip may also have seen couple
    Princess and mother Duchess of York helped set up Andrew's car-crash interview and Beatrice even met BBC
    Beatrice's role in the royal family in terms of duties is uncertain and her wedding is expected to be pared back
    Prince Charles is flying back from New Zealand and South Pacific tour completely overshadowed by brother
    Heir to the throne will meet his errant sibling and he and William agree Andrew cannot ever return to duties
    Poll reveals six out of 10 people believe he's damaged reputation of the Royals following Newsnight interview

By Martin Robinson, Chief Reporter For Mailonline

Published: 14:20, 25 November 2019 | Updated: 17:58, 25 November 2019

Prince Andrew's daughter Princess Beatrice and her fiance Edoardo Mapelli Mozzi went to see her under-fire father today their first visit to his home since he was sacked by the Queen.  The Duke of York's eldest child spent several hours at Windsor Castle where her father lives in the grounds as it emerged she and her mother played a central role in convincing him to confront the Epstein scandal in his now career-ending BBC interview.  The Queen also left shortly afterwards, suggesting Her Majesty and her husband Prince Philip, who lives permanently at Windsor, may also have seen their granddaughter and her husband-to-be today.  Beatrice will also have concerns she will be cut out of royal duties like her father as Prince Charles pushes through his plans for a slimmed-down royal family after demanding his mother the Queen ordered Andrew to retire aged 59.  There are also growing calls for Beatrice and Edoardo's wedding to be pared back and any costs to the taxpayer kept to a minimum or stopped completely after Andrew's extraordinary fall from grace.  Despite her father's woes the princess was pictured smiling and laughing as she left the grace-and-favour home with Edo this afternoon - but privately a source close to Beatrice said she had been 'in tears every day'.  It came as Prince Charles started his journey back to Britain to face his beleaguered brother and 'read him the riot act' after his nine day royal tour of New Zealand and the Solomon Islands ended today.  Furious Charles is also said to be ready to inform him that he and Prince William want to ban him from royal duties for life because of the damage he has done to the monarchy.

As the fallout over Andrew's BBC interview entered a ninth day, it emerged:

-  Prince Charles is flying back to Britain to face his beleaguered brother Prince Andrew after his nine-day royal tour of New Zealand and the Solomon Islands ended and he is expected to see the Duke of York this week;
-  Second alleged victim Joanna Sjoberg ready to speak to FBI about prince 'groping breast' with a Spitting Image puppet of himself in 2001;
-  Woman claimed to have been raped by Epstein said the billionaire adorned his mansions with pictures of Andrew and bragged about lending cash to Fergie;
-  Andrew visited Epstein after financier's release from jail to find out if he 'had any dirt on him', source claims;

The Duke of York's former wife Sarah Ferguson and daughter Princess Beatrice were among the key figures pressing him to go ahead with last weekend's disastrous Newsnight interview, it was claimed yesterday.

The Duchess of York had been keen to end the speculation about Andrew's involvement with convicted paedophile and sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein ahead of Beatrice's wedding to property developer Edo Mapelli Mozzi next year.

Fergie is also believed to have been convinced that if the public could see the Duke or 'my boy', as she is said to call him talking in his own words about the scandal, they would be convinced that he was telling the truth.  She could hardly have been more wrong. Last week, Andrew stepped down from Royal duties amid unrelenting criticism of his performance, branded the worst in royal history.  Andrew's performance and its aftermath seem to have hit the Princess hard and she was tearful while hosting a party for her fiance's 36th birthday at the exclusive Mayfair nightclub Annabel's on Tuesday night.  One member of the Princess's circle said that what should have been a celebration was a solemn and awkward affair. Prince Andrew stepped down from Royal duties the following day.  'Beatrice was sombre and make-up-free for the birthday dinner,' the source said.  'She was probably worried that her mascara would run. She seemed quite tearful at times. In fact, Beatrice has been in tears every day since the interview went out.'

Princess Beatrice is due to marry her partner Edoardo Mapelli Mozzi next year but royal biographer Christopher Warwick said the scandal would probably mean her wedding will be a much smaller affair than that afforded to her sister.  Mr Warwick said: 'I think fairly or unfairly it has cast a shadow over the York family but more broadly his stepping back from official duties has kind of lifted that shadow that was about to be cast over the whole royal family.'

Andrew has always been fiercely protective of his royal status, insisting that his daughters Eugenie and Beatrice were princesses, a contrast to the children of his elder sister Anne, who have no title.  Eugenie's wedding last October took place at Windsor Castle, drawing media criticism over the estimated £2million security bill borne by taxpayers.  It is not known whether Beatrice had been hoping for a high-profile occasion like her sister Eugenie, but the current situation will obviously dampen any chance the York family had to lobby for a grand event.  The Prince of Wales is in the air after his visit to New Zealand and the Solomon Islands was completely overshadowed by the Duke of York's disastrous interview with the BBC about Jeffrey Epstein and his 'sex slave' Virginia Roberts.  Charles is believed to have called his mother the Queen and urged her to sack Andrew from all royal duties and roles immediately fearing his presence could fatally damage the British monarchy.  And MailOnline revealed last week that the heir to the throne is expected to meet the duke within days and 'read him the riot act' and explain why he retired him off at the age of 59.  Prince Charles and Prince William are also said to be clear that they would oppose any future return to royal duties, it emerged today.  It came as it was revealed that Andrew is to 'stand back' from his 100-plus charity patronages in a sign of his deepening humiliation over the Jeffrey Epstein scandal.  A showdown between the brothers over Andrew's disastrous decision to speak publicly about his relationship with convicted paedophile Epstein is inevitable, experts have said.  A new poll found six out of ten people believed it had damaged the reputation of the Royal Family and a slim majority believed he should be banned from public events such as Trooping the Colour and Remembrance Sunday.  Plans for a glittering reception at Buckingham Palace to mark Prince Andrew's 60th birthday in February have been mothballed following public revulsion over the Newsnight interview.  Representatives from his charities, business sponsors and military affiliations would have been invited to the party, but many have attempted to distance themselves from him since the programme was shown.  During the BBC interview, Andrew denied claims he had sex with a 17-year-old girl, Virginia Roberts, but admitted he had 'let the side down' when he visited Epstein's home in New York two years after the billionaire financier's conviction for soliciting a minor for prostitution.  The decision to go ahead with the interview was initially said to have been sanctioned by the Queen, but a royal source told the Sunday Times she had not given her approval and Andrew had not told her anything about what he planned to say.  The Queen was said to be 'deeply frustrated' that the scandal had overshadowed the rest of the Royal Family's work although she remained 'privately supportive' of her second son, according to the source.  She effectively sacked him from royal duties last week after her heir Prince Charles and second in line to the throne, Prince William, asked her to intervene.  A source told the Sunday Times William had spoken to the Queen and Charles about Andrew's future and believed his removal from public life was 'the right thing to do'. They said: 'William is becoming more and more involved in decisions about the institution [the monarchy] and he's not a huge fan of his uncle Andrew.'

Andrew agreed to withdraw from public duty but initially wanted to remain a figurehead for some 200 charities and other affiliations. But he was forced to back down after many made it clear they no longer wanted his backing.  At least 23 organisations have either dropped him or accepted his resignation, including the English National Ballet, the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra and the Outward Bound Trust.  Several sponsors have also dropped their backing for his Pitch@Palace business initiative and the project has been told to find offices outside of Buckingham Palace.  There were calls for the duke's business dealings and private finances to be scrutinised by the public finance committee, Parliament's financial watchdog.  A spokesman insisted he would continue to work on the venture, now rebranded as Pitch. She added: 'The duke will be stepping back from public duty and temporarily standing back from his patronages. The duke will continue to work on Pitch and will look at how he takes this forward outside of his public duties, and outside of Buckingham Palace.  We recognise there will be a period of time while this transition takes place.'

Andrew still remains a figurehead for several military organisations, including as honorary Colonel for the Grenadier Guards. Sources said some regiments felt 'awkward' about him featuring on their Christmas cards, but his military affiliations are expected to remain in place for now although the Palace has said he would not take part in any events.  Royal biographer Penny Junor said she believed Andrew would be unable to return to royal duties after the scandal. 'He's absolutely finished,' she told the Sunday Times. 'If he is no longer representing or supporting the monarch in any capacity, or doing good charitably, what's the point of him?'

Woman who claims Prince Andrew groped her breast after Jeffrey Epstein flew her to New York to entertain the duke says she will testify to the FBI.  A woman who claimed that Prince Andrew groped her breasts with a Spitting Image puppet of himself revealed today she now is ready to go to the FBI about him.  Johanna Sjoberg says she is willing to testify under oath against the Duke of York and tell US agents all she knows about the royal's long friendship with paedophile Jeffrey Epstein.  The 39-year-old is the second Epstein victim to claim that Andrew had sexual contact with her while on his knee at the billionaire's New York home when she was 21. Ms Sjoberg has accused the duke of groping her by taking a Spitting Image puppet of himself and placing its hand on her breast after being jetted to the US by Epstein to 'entertain' the prince in around 2001.  The bad news for Andrew came as it was revealed he is to 'stand back' from his charity patronages in a sign of his deepening humiliation over the Epstein scandal as experts said today: 'He's absolutely finished'.

Johanna's decision to speak out a decade ago is said to have inspired Virginia Roberts to reveal allegations Andrew had sex with her three times when she was 17.  A decade after she first spoke out, Joanna is ready to speak to the FBI after Andrew's disastrous BBC interview where he was accused of showing no sympathy for the victims Epstein groomed and abused, according to the Mirror.  A source said: 'As a victim of Epstein, Sjoberg's testimony over how she was recruited and abused is vital to the FBI.  'Despite Epstein's suicide, they are ­determined all those who enabled his crimes will face justice. It is a promise they made to the victims.  Andrew has had serious allegations made against him and agents are determined that a person's standing in life does not make them immune from being ­questioned.'

Joanna is one of two women who have come forward to allege sexual contact with the royal.  Ms Sjoberg says that the duke groped her breast while he sat her on his knee at the paedophile's New York home.  Her accusation, with she first aired in 2007, are understood to have given Virginia Roberts the courage to come forwards with her claims.  Virginian Roberts, now Mrs Giuffre, says that Andrew had sex with her when she was 17 years old.  The FBI is believed to be looking at ways to interview Prince Andrew on British soil.  Agents are keen to question the duke about his knowledge of Epstein as well as Ghislaine Maxwell, who is alleged to have recruited his victims.  When Andrew stepped down from royal duties, he said he would be willing to help any law enforcement agency with their investigations.  He has lost his £249,000 Sovereign Grant after his car crash interview on Newsnight, when he told Emily Maitlis he had not slept with Ms Giuffre, who is now 35. Ms Sjoberg was pictured as Andrew stepped down from 230 patronages.  One royal source told the paper that the prince thinks he'll be able to clear his name by speaking to the FBI.  Friends of Ms Sjoberg say that she is 'pleased' the duke is addressing the accusations facing him.  She has refused to comment further on the allegations, telling the paper her lawyer is handling the matter. Her claim about the prince was originally made in US court papers.  Ms Sjoberg levelled her allegations during a defamation case which Mrs Giuffre brought against 47-year-old Maxwell.  Epstein flew Ms Sjoberg and Mrs Giuffre from Palm Beach to Manhattan to entertain the duke.   Ms Sjoberg also told a Sunday newspaper that the prince had place his hand on her breast.   Andrew continued to be friends with Epstein despite him being convicted of child sex offences in 2008.  The friends were pictured together walking through Central Park in New York two years later.   Prince Andrew told the BBC that he was only visiting to break off his friendship with Epstein.  Mrs Giuffre has taken part in a BBC Panorama interview about her claims and the episode will air on December 2.  The prince denies any wrongdoing. Epstein left his £444million fortune to his brother, Mark, and killed himself in prison in August while facing sex trafficking charges.   Prince Andrew is to 'stand back' from his charity patronages in a sign of his deepening humiliation over the Jeffrey Epstein scandal, it was revealed yesterday.  Aides to the Duke of York said he would step aside temporarily, but sources suggested his older brother Prince Charles and nephew Prince William would oppose any future return to royal duties.  Charles is expected to fly home to Britain today after a tour of New Zealand, raising the prospect of a showdown between the brothers over Andrew's disastrous decision to speak publicly about his relationship with convicted paedophile Epstein.  A new poll found six out of ten people believed it had damaged the reputation of the Royal Family and a slim majority believed he should be banned from public events such as Trooping the Colour and Remembrance Sunday.  Plans for a glittering reception at Buckingham Palace to mark Prince Andrew's 60th birthday in February have been mothballed following public revulsion over the Newsnight interview.  Representatives from his charities, business sponsors and military affiliations would have been invited to the party, but many have attempted to distance themselves from him since the programme was shown.  During the BBC interview, Andrew denied claims he had sex with a 17-year-old girl, Virginia Roberts, but admitted he had 'let the side down' when he visited Epstein's home in New York two years after the billionaire financier's conviction for soliciting a minor for prostitution.  The decision to go ahead with the interview was initially said to have been sanctioned by the Queen, but a royal source told the Sunday Times she had not given her approval and Andrew had not told her anything about what he planned to say.  The Queen was said to be 'deeply frustrated' that the scandal had overshadowed the rest of the Royal Family's work although she remained 'privately supportive' of her second son, according to the source.  She effectively sacked him from royal duties last week after her heir Prince Charles and second in line to the throne, Prince William, asked her to intervene.  A source told the Sunday Times William had spoken to the Queen and Charles about Andrew's future and believed his removal from public life was 'the right thing to do'. They said: 'William is becoming more and more involved in decisions about the institution [the monarchy] and he's not a huge fan of his uncle Andrew.'

Andrew agreed to withdraw from public duty but initially wanted to remain a figurehead for some 200 charities and other affiliations. But he was forced to back down after many made it clear they no longer wanted his backing.  At least 23 organisations have either dropped him or accepted his resignation, including the English National Ballet, the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra and the Outward Bound Trust.  Several sponsors have also dropped their backing for his Pitch@Palace business initiative and the project has been told to find offices outside of Buckingham Palace.  There were calls for the duke's business dealings and private finances to be scrutinised by the public finance committee, Parliament's financial watchdog.  A spokesman insisted he would continue to work on the venture, now rebranded as Pitch. She added: 'The duke will be stepping back from public duty and temporarily standing back from his patronages. The duke will continue to work on Pitch and will look at how he takes this forward outside of his public duties, and outside of Buckingham Palace.  'We recognise there will be a period of time while this transition takes place.'

How Duke of York's annual meetings with Epstein including after he was sent to jail caused Prince Andrew decades of trouble

Here is a timeline of the duke's relationship with Epstein.

- 1999

Andrew first meets Epstein, reportedly introduced through his friendship with Ghislaine Maxwell, the daughter of newspaper tycoon Robert Maxwell.  Andrew welcomes Epstein to the Queen's private Scottish retreat in Aberdeenshire. Andrew later says he sees Epstein 'infrequently', adding 'probably no more than only once or twice a year'.

- 2000

Andrew and Ms Maxwell are seen on holiday with Epstein at Donald Trump's Mar-a-Lago Club in Palm Beach, Florida.  Epstein and Ms Maxwell attend a party at Windsor Castle hosted by the Queen to mark Andrew's 40th birthday, the Princess Royal's 50th, the Queen Mother's 100th and Princess Margaret's 70th.

- 2001

Virginia Roberts claims to have had sex with Andrew 'three times, including one orgy', with the first encounter allegedly taking place in Ms Maxwell's London townhouse. Ms Roberts claims to have had sex with Andrew on two more occasions, at Epstein's New York home and at an 'orgy' on his private island in the Caribbean.

- 2008

Epstein admits prostituting minors and is sentenced to 18 months in prison.

- 2010

Epstein is released from jail. Andrew is photographed with the disgraced Epstein in New York's Central Park.  Footage emerges years later, reportedly shot on December 6 2010, showing him inside Epstein's Manhattan mansion, from where he is seen looking out from a large door of the property waving a woman goodbye after Epstein leaves to get into a chauffeur-driven car.

- 2011

The duke quits his role as UK trade envoy after the fallout from the Central Park photos.

- 2015

Buckingham Palace denies Andrew has committed any impropriety after he is named in US court documents related to Epstein. A woman, later named in reports as Ms Roberts, alleges in papers filed in Florida that she was forced to have sex with Andrew when she was 17, which is under the age of consent in the state.  At the World Economic Forum in Davos, Andrew, in his first public engagement since he was embroiled in the allegations, responds, saying: 'Firstly I think I must, and want, for the record, to refer to the events that have taken place in the last few weeks.  'I just wish to reiterate, and to reaffirm, the statements that have already been made on my behalf by Buckingham Palace.'

In April the claims against Andrew are struck from US civil court records following a federal judge's ruling.

- 2019

Newly released legal documents show that Johanna Sjoberg, another alleged Epstein victim, claimed Andrew touched her breast while sitting on a couch inside the US billionaire's Manhattan apartment in 2001.  Buckingham Palace said the allegations are 'categorically untrue'.  Epstein is found dead in his jail cell on August 10, having killed himself after being charged with sex trafficking.  Later that month a pilot on Epstein's private jet claims Andrew was a passenger on past flights with the financier and Ms Roberts.  The Sun newspaper reported that David Rodgers said in a testimony released in August that Epstein, Andrew and the-then 17-year-old travelled to the US Virgin Islands on April 11 2001.  Buckingham Palace describes the evidence statement as having 'a number of inconsistencies' and said that Andrew was on a different continent in some cases.  Following Epstein's death, a statement from the palace says that Andrew is 'appalled by the recent reports of Jeffrey Epstein's alleged crimes'.

Breaking his silence on the issue for the first time since 2015, Andrew then releases a statement on August 24 saying: 'At no stage during the limited time I spent with him (Epstein) did I see, witness or suspect any behaviour of the sort that subsequently led to his arrest and conviction.' 

On November 16, the prince gave a 'disastrous' BBC interview in which he spoke about his friendship with Epstein and addressed allegations of his own sexual conduct.  He faced a barrage of criticism following his television appearance, with the royal accused of a lack of empathy with Epstein's victims.  During the interview, Andrew, questioned by Newsnight presenter Emily Maitlis, twice stated his relationship with Epstein, who died in jail while facing sex trafficking charges, had some "seriously beneficial outcomes", giving him the opportunity to meet people and prepare for a future role as a trade envoy.  The duke denied he slept with Virginia Giuffre, one of Epstein's victims, on three separate occasions, twice while she was underage, saying one encounter in 2001 did not happen as he spent the day with his daughter Princess Beatrice, taking her to Pizza Express in Woking for a party.  The same alleged sexual liaison, which the American said began with the royal sweating heavily as they danced at London nightclub Tramp, was factually wrong as the duke said he had a medical condition at the time which meant he did not sweat.  He cast doubt on the authenticity of a picture that appears to show Andrew with his arm around the waist of Mrs Giuffre, when a teenager.

Andrew still remains a figurehead for several military organisations, including as honorary Colonel for the Grenadier Guards. Sources said some regiments felt 'awkward' about him featuring on their Christmas cards, but his military affiliations are expected to remain in place for now – although the Palace has said he would not take part in any events.  Royal biographer Penny Junor said she believed Andrew would be unable to return to royal duties after the scandal. 'He's absolutely finished,' she told the Sunday Times. 'If he is no longer representing or supporting the monarch in any capacity, or doing good charitably, what's the point of him?'
 
Jeffrey Epstein victim says he boasted about friendship with Prince Andrew and Sarah Ferguson after raping her on his private island.  A Jeffrey Epstein victim has claimed that he raped her before bragging about his relationship with Prince Andrew.  Chauntae Davies, now 40, who worked as Epstein's masseuse and as an air hostess on his private plane, said the billionaire adorned his mansions with pictures of the eighth in line to the throne and his former wife Sarah Ferguson.  She fell into the paedophile's path when she was a 21-year-old trainee massage therapist in Los Angeles and treated Ghislaine Maxwell at Beverly Hills' Four Seasons Hotel.  Ms Davies alleged to The Sun on Sunday that she was raped by the billionaire on his private island.  'I was very aware of Jeffrey Epstein's friendship with Prince Andrew and Fergie right away', she said.  'It was one of several bragging tactics he used to further induce his power and privilege. He bragged a lot. He bragged about how he'd lent money to the Duchess.'

She also called on the Prince, who has been forced to retire from public duties after a car-crash BBC interview, to speak to the FBI.  'There is no way you could have been a friend of Jeffrey's and not know what was going on', she said.  'I don't see how you could see somebody with another young girl all the time and there never being a conversation about it. It doesn't add up.'

Ms Davies has previously stated that she was raped by the billionaire the third or fourth time they met on Caribbean island Little St. James.  Andrew has previously admitted visiting the island and was named as a passenger on Epstein's jet, known as the Lolita Express for its orgies, in August 2001, for a trip from New York to New Mexico.  Prince Andrew has always denied any allegations of wrongdoing during his friendship with Epstein.  Ms Davies also described how she spent two weeks 'vomiting myself to death' in a hospital after the alleged attack.  'He took me by the wrist. I was searching for words but all I could say was please stop, but that only seemed to excite him more,' she told a New York courtroom the first time that she spoke publicly about the event.  It took me a long time to come forward. Every public humiliation that I endured, I have suffered, and he has won.'

It came as a former Epstein employee, who has testified against him under the name 'Tiffany Doe', alleged the Prince had motor-boated her and that at the paedophile's parties girls were selected specifically to appease the Duke.  'The Duke seemed in good spirits and was out to enjoy himself', she told The Sunday Mirror.  'I always thought, Andrew liked my breasts. When he started to say hello he looked at them first rather than me.  'After Andrew motor-boated me he tried to remember what it was meant to be called. He didn't quite know the term 'motorboat'. He said, 'motor something?'  'He was trying to come off cool, but he didn't know the words. I found him quite awkward, quite clumsy. He said I should be in a magazine for big-breasted women. It was a normal thing to happen at those parties.'

She also alleged that the girls had to be specially selected for Andrew to be curvy, and that she saw the Prince at parties a 'couple of times a year'.  'I would flirt with him and he would hit on me and was handsy. He would stand in close proximity, looking at my breasts', she said.

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/health-fitness/body/would-you-talk-about-your-miscarriage-on-social-media/

Would you talk about your miscarriage on social media?
Rebecca Holman
18 August 2015 • 7:00am

I’ve never really understood how pregnant women manage to keep the news that they are, in fact, knocked up, a secret up until the 12 week mark.  I can’t even keep quiet about the fact that I’ve had a smear test, so if there was something that momentous going on with my body, I’d struggle to keep it to myself. Although I’m pretty sure the klaxon would go off pretty loudly the minute I started drinking soda water in the pub.  That said, I do get it. Why tempt fate by choosing to talk about a pregnancy when you don’t know what the outcome will be?

Sadly, one in four doesn’t make it to the 12-week mark. But then what?

If you miscarry before telling friends and colleagues, do you just keep your head down and stay quiet about the whole thing?

For many, this does seem to be the case how else do you account for the fact that miscarriage is such a rarely discussed topic, given how regularly it occurs?
 
That could be about to change.

Earlier this month, YouTube vloggers Sam and Nia Rader went viral when Sam made a video of him 'shocking' his wife by telling her she was pregnant  (he’d fished some of her wee out of the toilet with a pipette without her knowing and put it on a pregnancy test yeah, me neither).  A few days letter, a second video of the tearful couple telling the world that Nia had then lost the baby garnered over four million views.  Public responses have ranged from sympathy to incredulity about the whole thing.  But what it has achieved is to put miscarriage back on the agenda and shine a spotlight on the number of bloggers, vloggers and social media users who are now openly discussing topics around fertility.  Take Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg who, earlier this month, announced that his wife Priscilla was pregnant, having previously suffered three miscarriages.  ‘It’s a lonely experience.  We hope that sharing our experience will give more people the same hope we felt and will help more people feel comfortable sharing their stories,’ he wrote.

Zuckerberg’s decision to speak out prompted debate around how we talk about miscarriage or don’t. Indeed, we probably discuss Irritable Bowel Syndrome more (which affects one in five people).

• Mark Zuckerberg Facebook admission: 7 myths about miscarriage busted

• Miscarriage: It's time for this secret club of women to break the taboo

Ruth Bender Atik, national director of the Miscarriage Association believes that the rise of vlogging around miscarriage can only be a good thing.  “I think there are huge positives in the development of blogging and vlogging on the topic of miscarriage,” she tells me.

“The first is that it’s ordinary people talking not that Mark Zuckerberg wasn’t sharing genuine feelings, but it’s often easier to identify with someone who could easily be a friend or relative”.

Emma, 30, agrees. When she went through her first miscarriage at nine weeks, she was shocked.  “I didn't realise that these things happened to healthy women who were ready for a family hearing about it more in the media could have prepared me or made me aware of just how common it was,” she says.

For Emma, her first miscarriage (she went on to have a second at 13 weeks) was a ‘lonely’ experience but would Sam and Nia Rader’s public display of emotion have helped her in any way, had she seen it on YouTube?

She admits that she can relate to the couple’s emotions but thinks “some moments should be privately shared with family and close friends and not posted publically."

• 'Mum said it was for the best'. Why young women need miscarriage support fast

Lillia*, 33, takes a different view.  After her second miscarriage (at her 12-week scan she discovered that she had lost the baby at eight weeks), she decided to post about it on Facebook.  “When I found out I was pregnant for the first time, I then started to miscarry two days later, so no-one knew,” she explains. “So when I found I was pregnant again, I kept it to myself.  But [after the second miscarriage] I was devastated. I decided I couldn’t cope with pretending I was fine this time, so I posted what had happened to me on Facebook.  It was hard, as I am quite private. But I’ve received amazing support, and messages and huge emotional help. Telling all my friends was the right thing to do. I think, if I am ever lucky enough to be pregnant again, I will tell people early, so they are ready to support me if the worst happens.”

But, Lillia does feel that our widespread reticence to discuss miscarriage has put people off discussing it with her, despite her public declaration.  “I still need to talk, and that is where the taboo needs to be broken down we need to feel like it’s ok to share our darkest thoughts and emotions and confusion with our friends. It’s taken me three weeks to feel I want to talk about it, but I think some of my friends are still wary about bringing it up because it’s seen as such a sensitive topic”.

• Sex, wine or stress? How I mistakenly blamed myself for my miscarriage

Psychologist Ben Voyer agrees that the opportunity for women to share their experiences of miscarriage can be invaluable.  “For many, it also helps with accepting that they are not responsible for what happened. Since you are sharing online with a large community, you receive responses from people who had similar experiences. This is very comforting.”

But are a couple of YouTube clips and a Facebook status really enough to revolutionise the discussion around miscarriage?

Is that all it takes to break a taboo down these days?

“The internet has changed the way we perceive and share information,” says Voyer. “The first person to blog is one that will shift the boundaries and become some sort of an ‘official’ spokesperson online. Then people jump in. Interestingly, it doesn’t mean the taboo will be lifted, and it could be something temporary, before people go back to being quieter on the topic.”

While Zuckerberg’s announcement prompted discussion, it also drew derision one sample comment on Facebook: ‘Thanks for sharing that incredibly personal information with your 10m closest friends, losers.’

And the Raders have been accused of leveraging their miscarriage for profit (when they’re not being accused of setting up the whole thing, which seems like a particularly cynical stance to take, even by modern standards).  More conversation and honesty around miscarriage can only be a good thing and anything that raises awareness of the issue is a positive.  But even in this increasingly public world, watching the Rader’s video still made me feel uncomfortable as though I was spying on something I shouldn’t.  Grief is an intently personal thing, and to be there with a stranger right at the moment when their worst nightmare is playing out around them, feels deeply intrusive to me.  So while I hope YouTube vloggers will help us talk about miscarriage more, I wouldn’t want it to become an online trend? That feels a bit too cynical to me.

*Name has been changed

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7668199/Meghan-Markle-Prince-Harry-join-Prince-William-Kate-Middleton-Festival-Remembrance.html

Meghan Markle and Prince Harry join William and Kate Middleton at the Royal British Legion Festival of Remembrance along with The Queen, Boris Johnson and hundreds of servicemen and veterans

    The Cambridges, the Sussexes and the Cornwalls joined the Queen and servicemen and women at the event
    Royal Albert Hall service also attended by Duke of York, Princess Royal and Duke and Duchess of Gloucester
    This year's event marks 75 years since notable battles of 1944 including Monte Cassino, Kohima and Imphal
    Sussexes and Cambridges meet for first time since Harry and Meghan opened up about struggles last month

By James Gant For Mailonline

Published: 19:23, 9 November 2019 | Updated: 20:31, 9 November 2019

Meghan Markle and Prince Harry have joined Kate Middleton, Prince William and the Queen at the Royal Albert Hall for the annual Festival of Remembrance.  It is the first time the Sussexes and Cambridges have been seen together since Harry and Meghan opened up about their struggles in an emotional television documentary last month.  All four of them joined the Queen in the royal box for the event on Saturday evening, but were not seated next to each other.  Meghan dazzled in Aquazzura 'Deneuve' bow pointy toe pumps and Jessica McCormack ruby heart earrings, while Kate shined in a pair of pearl earrings - loaned from the Queen and a Zara headband.  The service is also being attended by the Duke of York, the Earl and Countess of Wessex, the Princess Royal, the Duke and Duchess of Gloucester, the Duke of Kent and Vice Admiral Sir Tim Laurence.  This year's event marks 75 years since notable battles of 1944, which included Monte Cassino, Kohima and Imphal, D-Day and the collaboration of Commonwealth and Allied forces.  It also celebrates the 100th anniversary of the Government Communications Headquarters and pay tribute to RFA Mounts Bay which delivered supplies and aid to the Bahamas after Hurricane Dorian this year.  The ceremony is hosted by the Royal British Legion and commemorates all those who lost their lives in conflicts, with artists including James Blunt, Leona Lewis and Jeff Goldblum performing alongside the Central Band of the Royal Air Force and Band of HM Royal Marines.  Harry and Meghan opened up about their struggles with the pressures of royal life and media scrutiny last month, as the Duchess of Sussex revealed she was 'existing, not living'.  The Prince also admitted he and William are travelling on 'different paths' in what was the first public acceptance of a rift between the brothers.  In a candid interview, the Duke of Sussex acknowledged there had been deepening tensions between himself and William, following months of speculation about the state of the brothers' relationship.  The Duke of Cambridge was said to be 'worried' about his younger brother and hoped he and Meghan were 'all right', a Kensington Palace source told the BBC online.  But another told how Prince William was 'furious' with Harry for giving the interview and had told him so.  The source said there was a view throughout the Royal Family that the couple were 'in a fragile place'.  Meanwhile today, the Prime Minister gave tributes ahead of Remembrance Sunday as the three main party leaders prepared to break away from the election campaign trail to pay their respects tomorrow.  Boris Johnson said he will be 'proud' to lay his first wreath at the Cenotaph as PM, and vowed to continue to 'champion those who serve today with such bravery in our military'.

Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn used a video message to say many serving personnel, veterans and their families are 'not getting the support they deserve'.

And Liberal Democrat leader Jo Swinson said people should pause to reflect and remember how 'fragile' peace can be.  The trio will be joined by the SNP's Westminster leader Ian Blackford and the DUP's Nigel Dodds in paying their respects at the Cenotaph on Sunday morning.  Mr Johnson said: 'On Remembrance Sunday this year I will be thinking of the men and women who, over the centuries, have given so much to protect our country.  I will especially remember the men and women who gave the ultimate sacrifice in war, so that today we can live in peace.  I will be proud to lay my first wreath at the Cenotaph as Prime Minister.  I am immensely grateful to those who continue to choose a life in the armed forces without them, our country would be a less safe place to live.  I introduced the first Office for Veteran Affairs as a sign of my commitment to those who have served, and I will continue to champion those who serve today with such bravery in our military.'

Mr Corbyn said: 'We remember the many brave people from Britain and all across the world who put their lives on the line, making huge sacrifices in two world wars which cost the lives of millions, and in all the other conflicts since.'

He added: 'For so many of our armed forces, our veterans and their families who have given and still give so much to us, they are not getting the support they deserve.  Service men and women have faced pay cuts, service accommodation left in disrepair, and are worried their children are left without the support that they need.'

Ms Swinson, who will be attending the service for the first time as Lib Dem leader, said: 'Today we remember all those who gave their lives so that we can live in freedom.  We also give our heartfelt thanks to those members of our armed forces, to veterans and their families, for all they do and the sacrifices they make to keep us safe.  We know it is so hard for people to be away from their loved ones and we owe them a debt of gratitude.  We should also pause to reflect and remember today how fragile peace can be and how important it is that we all continue to stand up alongside our allies to preserve it.'

Civilians will be BANNED from marching past the Cenotaph during London's Remembrance Sunday parade

Civilians have been banned for the first time from marching past the Cenotaph during London's Remembrance Sunday parade.  The move was made by the Royal British Legion to give priority to military veterans or bereaved family members, according to The Telegraph.  However the decision has caused 'hurt and dismay' among charities and associations such as the British Red Cross who have previously taken part in the march, insiders revealed last night.  Yet the Legion, which organises the commemoration, insisted that the decision had not been 'taken lightly'. 

On Sunday, around 10,000 people will march past the Cenotaph on Whitehall, for the National Service of Remembrance.  In previous years, associations including the Blue Cross, RNLI and British Red Cross have been part of the parade due to the contributions to the war effort.  The Royal British Legion sent out an unexpected message to the associations warning that civilian volunteers with no connection to the Armed Forces would not be able to take part in the march.

Civilians will be BANNED from marching past the Cenotaph during London's Remembrance Sunday parade

Civilians have been banned for the first time from marching past the Cenotaph during London's Remembrance Sunday parade.  The move was made by the Royal British Legion to give priority to military veterans or bereaved family members, according to The Telegraph.  However the decision has caused 'hurt and dismay' among charities and associations such as the British Red Cross who have previously taken part in the march, insiders revealed last night.  Yet the Legion, which organises the commemoration, insisted that the decision had not been 'taken lightly'.  On Sunday, around 10,000 people will march past the Cenotaph on Whitehall, for the National Service of Remembrance.  In previous years, associations including the Blue Cross, RNLI and British Red Cross have been part of the parade due to the contributions to the war effort.  The Royal British Legion sent out an unexpected message to the associations warning that civilian volunteers with no connection to the Armed Forces would not be able to take part in the march.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2014/jul/05/can-parent-get-over-death-of-a-child

Can a parent get over the death of a child?
Denise Turner's son Joe died, aged 19 months, but she says that it is indeed possible to recover

The paramedic who came to the house when Denise Turner's baby son died, knew exactly what she ought to do. "He said, you need to sit down and you need to start to grieve," she says.

But Denise didn't want to grieve. She wanted to put her jacket on over her pyjamas and take her six-year-old daughter to school. "Amy didn't know Joe was dead at that stage. All I'd told her was that he wasn't well and we needed to call an ambulance. I knew the police were about to arrive, because it was a cot death and I knew the house would soon be swarming with people, and that it would be a very scary place for a little girl to be. I desperately wanted to get her out, so she wouldn't be left with difficult memories that might make Joe's loss even harder to cope with."

Denise felt angry with the paramedic for trying to tell her he knew best. "I was furious. I said to him, what are you going to do? Stop me from leaving the house?"

What she now knows is that the professionals bereaved families have to deal with, and the wider community, have a very narrow frame of expected behaviour and outcomes for those who are bereaved when a child dies. Recently, this has become the focus of Denise's research as an academic.  Denise did take Amy to school that day. Nine years on, she knows she was right. "Amy remembers Joe but she doesn't have traumatic memories about that day and I'm so pleased about that," she says.

In fact, Amy, 15, her brother Dan, nearly 11 (he is Joe's twin), and Denise herself are all doing just fine. "People think there must be fallout. They think there must be deep-seated issues somewhere and I know they sometimes go looking for them, especially in Dan because he and Joe were twins. But I don't think they are there and I don't think happy and thriving and sorted are how people expect us to be. There's this idea that losing a child is the absolute worst thing that can happen to you, and that once it happens you can't really ever recover.  So a bereaved mother is expected to behave like the French Lieutenant's Woman, standing on the Cobb staring out to sea. Or she sits in a corner weeping. But that's not how I've been – and when I started to interview other parents who had lost children, I realised it's not how they were behaving either."

For her PhD research at Sussex University where she now lectures, Denise talked to other bereaved parents. Her focus was on how families are treated by professionals when they experience a sudden death in childhood, but when she presented her interviews to academics research panels ie other people to gauge their reactions, she was surprised by the response. "Some of the stories were the testimonies of mothers who, like me, hadn't behaved in a way others might expect.  One mother, who I'll call Cathy, had lost her son Dylan at six weeks of age. When she realised he wasn't breathing properly she called an ambulance. That triggered a rapid response team, and some of the police who came were actually armed. Cathy had other children so that response, which she understandably considered to be entirely inappropriate, made her very angry and she was still angry when I interviewed her."

One woman on the panel, on hearing Cathy's story, told Denise: "I'm sick of this aggressive woman. She's not behaving as a grieving mother should."

That prompted Denise to ask: how should a grieving mother behave?

And what she realised was that a mother who has a lost a child should have the right to behave exactly as her instincts guide her. That's because, although she profoundly disagrees with the idea that a child's death is something it's impossible to recover from, she is clear that it's one of the biggest blows imaginable. The irony, which was far from lost on her, was that while society acknowledged the scale and depth of the loss, it proceeded to erect a very strict frame of reference about what was acceptable behaviour. So much so, she says, that bereaved parents sometimes end up trying to fit in to what they feel is expected of them, rather than doing what feels right to them in the days, weeks and months after a child's death.

"People would say, 'You need counselling.' I thought, what's that going to do?

It's not going to bring Joe back, is it?

So counselling didn't feel right for me, but the voices around me were so insistent that I remember thinking, should I actually go for counselling?

"If you don't behave in a certain way if you're too angry, or you don't seem to be engulfed in your grief, for example the people around you withdraw their support. They get angry with you, and you lose their sympathy. I think some people do try to fit in because they don't want that to happen to them but where you see it all coming out is on the forums and chat boards on bereavement websites because that's the only safe place to express it. The problem with that is that these places can become ghettos and people can get stuck there."

Among friends, says Denise, there was an almost ominous expectation that she was bound to be constantly on the verge of tears. "One person even said to me, a week or so after Joe died, haven't you broken down yet?" she remembers. "Another woman said I'd always be known in our town as the woman who lost her son. But I really didn't want to be known as that. I started wearing my lipstick again very soon afterwards because I didn't want to become that woman. When I went back to playground 10 days or so after Joe died, some people were surprised and it begs the question, what else did they think I'd be doing? Sitting inside crying, presumably: but I had another baby to look after."

In general, says Denise, reaction when she was out and about was very mixed. "There were people who never even mentioned the fact that one of my children had disappeared," she says.

And there were those who seemed almost attracted to her in the aftermath of the tragedy the ghoul-seekers, who had definite ideas about how anguished her life must be. Others, she says, just stood in front of her and sobbed.  One of the things Denise finds interesting now that she's looking at this behaviour more objectively is how parents who have suffered a loss are in some way symbolic in the wider world: other people have expectations about how they should behave because they represent, she says, the greatest loss of all. "People seem to need you to be very, very sad and it's not for yourself.It's almost on behalf of everyone," is how she describes it.

However people reacted, though, it often seemed to Denise to be less about her feelings, and more about their own.  Though her research to date has centred on parents who have been bereaved as a result of sudden, unexplained child death, Denise believes these behaviour expectations are applied to parents who lose children in all situations and she now hopes to broaden her research, into a wider experience of child loss. She will look at the emotional fallout for professionals when they have to deal with a family who have lost a child they too, she believes, experience suffering that is not properly acknowledged or dealt with.  The worst aspect for parents who have lost children worse, even, than having to hide their real feelings is, says Denise, that the truth about survival is far more empowering and positive than is generally understood. She has not gone to stand on the Cobb, like the French Lieutenant's Woman, and you won't find her weeping in the corner at a party.  Denise has done with her grief what any of us who have been bereaved have to do: she has folded it into herself, made it an integral part of who she is, and as a result she is stronger and more sure of herself and more aware of the frailty of life.  Like Denise's own surviving children, I grew up in a family where a young child died, so I have known this at first-hand too. Like Denise, I have used the experience of being bereaved to inform and guide the sort of work I do and, like her, I have sometimes come up against people who feel it is not appropriate or as Denise was once told, by a bereavement charity, her work is "misguided".  She has also been warned that she needs to honour Joe's memory but, as she says, what does that mean?   

She feels the best way to honour Joe's memory is to live as fully and as well as possible, for her children and for herself. Yet saying that seems somehow to bring other people up short or send them off-balance. It is as though the death of a child is so terrible that it's difficult to acknowledge that anything positive can possibly come out of it, but for the people left behind, that is precisely what they must try to find, even though they would have done anything in their power to make things different.  Denise defines herself, she says, not as a bereaved mother, simply as a mother: being a good mother, a protective mother, to her surviving children has been her overriding ambition since Joe's death. That, of course, is why all she could think about on that morning in March 2005, when she found her son dead in his cot, was the impact on Amy. She could do no more for Joe, but she could protect her other children.  Underlying Denise's research is a fascination with boundaries because she believes that some of the damage is done because the professionals who are involved when a child dies particularly the police and social workers, though it could apply to some in the medical world as well are as unable to deal with it as anyone else and hide behind procedures and expectations as a coping mechanism.  "They say a child's death is the worst thing that can happen to a parent but I sometimes think it's the worst thing that can happen to a professional," she says. "They are trained to sort things out, to make things better, to get you through and there's no sorting this out or making it better, or getting through it."

If professionals could be more honest about their own feelings, perhaps they could be more accepting of following a bereaved parent's lead on how to behave. Instead, in a desperate need to retain control in a situation that is entirely outside anyone's control, they sometimes seek to impose their own ideas about how the bereaved parent should behave just as the paramedic did that day at Denise's house. In other words, his response was all about him and very little about Denise, and that, in turn, is what made her so angry and makes her angry still when she remembers it.  But she balks when she's accused of attacking professionals. She was a social worker herself, for 10 years before Amy was born. Another anecdote from the day of Joe's death concerns an exchange between a policewoman and herself. "She said social workers were on their way and would want to interview me, and I said: 'Actually, I'm a social worker.'

"This woman couldn't quite understand what I was saying and she said: 'You're a social worker? I thought you were the mother ...'

I was still in my pyjamas at that point, so it was pretty obvious who I was! But she couldn't quite compute that I could be both a parent who'd lost a child and a social worker, and I think that's at the root of a lot of the issues: we worry about how we can be two people at once.  "But the key is humanity: we have to give professionals permission to be human beings first, to meet people half way. That's why I don't feel I'm attacking professionals because what I'm saying would help them learn how to cope better themselves with these situations, as well as being able to better help others."

That matters because what no one wants is what one of Denise's interviewee parents said about their son's cot death: "He said that the way the family was treated that day was worse than actually losing their son."

The terrible truth at the kernel of any child's death is that we as human beings find it almost impossible to make sense of it goes against every grain in our psyche. It's not the natural order of things and we know it's not how the world was meant to be.  Where a child's death is as Joe's was random, unexplained, out of the blue the need to explain it often seems overriding. "As a former social worker, I understand the need to protect children; but in most cases when a child dies suddenly, there has been no crime. So our response is overdramatic and not well thought through. It beggars belief that, when a cot death occurs, no one takes into account the feelings of any other children who might be in the house at the time they are treated as an irrelevance, when in fact they could be being psychologically harmed by the arrival of police response teams and social workers and the fact that the finger of suspicion is pointing at their parents. It's undermining at the very time families most need support."

It's a tribute to her resilience that, despite all this, Denise has made it through. But not every parent who loses a child is as lucky: some are lost in that no-man's land of having to respond to others' expectations rather than being able to work through their feelings on their own terms. What is especially sad, Denise believes, is that so few have felt able to tell their own stories of survival: stories that centre on a loss that would have seemed unthinkable, but which they do move through and even emerge as Denise has with a new, enjoyable life.  "Ultimately, our stories are uplifting ones and the ending is a happy one," she says. "Because we have hit the bottom, we've gone to the lowest place you can go and found there was still something solid beneath our feet and that, eventually, we could start to climb out again. That's a hopeful message, one I think it's important to share."